Friday, December 31, 2004

I like to find recipes on the intarwebs. Recently, I wanted a recipe for the German fruit compote called rote gruetze. I found several recipes. Some, like this one, despite being found on the German Embassy's website (not the first place I would have thought to look), are better than others, for example this laughably poor version from the, ahem, "Ft. Bliss, TX Officers' Wives' Club" (I also like the way the original sidesteps the tricky issue of apostrophe placement by the simple expedient of omission).

OTOH, "Ft. Bliss, TX Officers' Wives' Club" might make a good name for a gonzo amateur porn tape. Mmmm ... naked trailer trash gals wrestling in rote gruetze ...

(I thought about reinforcing the comparison between jello wrestling and rote gruetze wrestling by referring to it as "jello-cum-rote gruetze wrestling" but then realized that the context within which I was using the Latin for "as" might have made it sound like I was advocating they wrestle in a mixture of three substances ... )

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

A not-too-long time ago, in a galaxy somewhere near Columbus, Ohio:

[Marketing Drone]: "Yo, Alderdude, can we have a building permit for a rawkin' X-tian skate park, that will take God to the XTREME?"

[Alderman]: "Hmmm, our youth do need to reconnect with our Lord, but will the building be ugly?"

[MD]: "Yes sir, just look at these futuristic drawings. "

{A]: "Yes, I like... big and purple. I like things that are big and purp.. ehem, uhm.. Yes, it should go well with our cityscape of grey... do you have a name for it?"

[MD]: "That's where we are running into some problems. We need to capture the awesomeness and X-trematude of the concept in order to draw in the youths, but also need to make sure they don't know off the start that it is associated with the church, it will hurt our numbers."

[A]: "What do you have so far?"

{MD]: "The best we've got is 'The Jesus is Rad Center for Xtreme Akkshun."

[A]: "You need to go bigger than Jesus, and more subtle... how about God's Extreme Roller Park?"

[MD]: "I like it, but it isn't spelled poorly enough. AOL has degenerated the average reading and writing skills of US teenagers to the point that they no longer respect proper words. Also, roller park is a little tame. It's got an arcade to stimulate the brain, a restaurant to recharge the batteries after a hard day .."

[A, Interrupting]: "God's Xtreme POWER Park!"

[MD]: "Wait. I just had a vision. My Latte is speaking to me. How. About. We Add a 'zee' to the end of God: Godz Xtreme Power Park."

[A]: "B-I-N-G-O"

[MD]: "More like G-O-D-Z-O!"

[A & MD]: "Hahahahaha! HIGH FIVES!" *SLAP*
--------------------
(Fictionized dialog unceremoniously borrowed from here with minor modification.)

Monday, December 27, 2004

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Big decisions, they say, are made by men who don't have to live with the consequences; probably because those affected by the big decisions are generally outside the decisionmakers' monkeysphere.

Aside - bowlingfortruth.com is a site that sets out to "debunk" claims Michael Moore has made in his films. What continually strikes me as interesting about the site is that it is not only generally refreshingly free from the typical foaming-at-the-mouth rabid conservative rhetoric that passes for reasoned debate these days (e.g. "all liberals are traitors"), but most of the "debunking" pages show that while Mr. Moore may occasionally show certain facts in a particular light, or omit information to subtly manipulate the context in which information is presented, for the most part Michael Moore plays it pretty well straight down the middle. See this example "rebuttal" of Moore's assertion concerning the number of US Congressmen with kids serving in the military in Iraq. Maybe the figure is two, not one, but Moore's substantive point is actually reinforced by this page, IMHO.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

You think that's air you're breathing?

Monday, December 20, 2004

I was searching for something on the Royal Mail website, and found this interesting admonition in the search results window:



So, if they didn't find it, presumably it's because you weren't hoping hard enough.
Minor mystery - major mystery.

Friday, December 17, 2004

They should add "blogging" to this list.
"Greengrocer!"
It had to happen sooner or later I suppose. A sports-related posting from me.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Here's another tasteless flash game that has more appeal in the idea than playing. I felt I had to submit it because of what it is, not because it's any fun ...
Normally, I would have commented on Ken's post (below) but comments appeared to be broken. Anyway:

3) allofmp3.com

A Russian site that lets you download music "legally, honest" in pretty much any format you like, at any encoding quality you like, and charges you by the megabyte. $0.01 per megabyte, to be precise. If they don't have the encoding you want, don't worry! They'll encode online while-u-wait! Probably funding some illegal activity somewhere, but no evidence of that yet...

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Do you buy a lot of music? I do, and I've recently been looking at two vendors with two very different business models and value propositions:

1) eMusic.com

Last time I looked at eMusic, they were still basically a dot-com startup in search of a business model, let alone profitability. At that point, if I'd had money to invest, I would have put it on the Underpants Gnomes before these guys.

However, they are now the new eMusic.com (now with added revenue stream!) and the value prop is pretty good - so long as your musical tastes have sufficient overlap with what they offer, although with over 500,000 tracks to choose from, including a lot of older releases from indie labels, there's a pretty fair bet you'll find enough to make it worth your money. It works for me, nut if you're looking for the absolute latest anything you may not find it here, but otherwise for DRM-free good-quality legal MP3s at around 22c each, you can't beat 'em.

2) YourMusic.com

This site is an offshoot of industry behemoth Bertelsmann Music Group who also own the BMG Music Service, which competes with venerable Columbia House ("Buy 12 CDs for the price of one with nothing more to buy, ever!") (see here for more on these two) but with an interesting two-fold twist on the standard "CD buyer's club" theme:

a) It's a subscription service. You pays your $5.99/mo and they ship you one CD a month, p&p included.
b) You maintain a queue of CDs you're interested in, a la Netflix. However, unlike Netflix, you only get one CD a month (as opposed to Netflix' concurrent use pricing) but, again unlink Netflix, you keep the CD. Presumably Netflix' system worksfor them because copying DVDs is still largely painful to do and requires hardwareand software most people do not have; the same is clearly untrue when applied to CDs.

The downside is they only have 14,000 albums (call it 140,000 tracks), you can only buy by the album, and, predictably, there's a lot of Ashlee Simpson, Travis Tritt and Usher to be found there. When I browsed the catalog I was able to find an average of one album on each page of 12 listed that I was sort-of interested in. I think that would be the stumbling block for me - actually being able to find enough CDs that I wanted to buy for $6 each to sustain a six-month commitment, let alone a year.

Between these two, my money is on (and going to) eMusic.com. YMMV.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Followup: Over at Metafilter, one of their forum users submitted the following transcript of a game played with 20Q (reordered to enhance the suspense):

1. Is it classified as? Animal
2. Does it have claws? Rarely
3. Is it eaten by people? Sometimes
4. Is it a type of fish? No
5. Is it hazardous to your health? Probably
6. Does it have teeth? Yes
7. Does it have a long tail? No
8. Can you hold it? Yes
9. Does it have four legs? No
10. Can it be used more than once? Yes
11. Does it live in groups? Yes
12. Does it lift the spirits? Yes
13. Can you obtain information by using it? Sometimes
14. Can it bind objects? Sometimes
15. Is it a carnivore? Probably
16. Does it provide protection? Usually
17. Would you use it daily? Doubtful
18. Do you clean it regularly? Yes
19. Do you use it at night? Yes
20. I guess that it is a human being? Close
21. Is it commonly used? Doubtful
22. Is it helpful in the learning process? Maybe
23. Is it something you bring along? Maybe
24. Is it smooth? Probably
25. Is it taught in school? Irrelevant
26. Does it need love? Doubtful
27. Can it discharge waste? Yes
28. Is it a crustacean? No
29. I guess that it is a woman? Close
30. I guess that it is a gay man (homosexual)? No

The object you selected is: a prostitute

Friday, December 10, 2004

I recently tried to read a book called "Marketing Strategy: A Storytelling Approach". It was so ... special ... I decided it deserved a review on Amazon.
What would you do with access to Amazon.com's library of sound clips? Build a "name that tune" game, of course! Try your hand (and ear) at, say, the Pixies, Boards of Canada or whoever else you like.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Everyone, it seems, is a critic, and last night amateur rock critic Nathan Gale inflicted a little more damage on the band Damageplan than they planned for. Anyone else notice how much victim Darrell Abbott (more info here) looks like Derek Smalls?

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

More Canadian dubes in the news. Bonus: this story is sex-related.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Monday, December 06, 2004

The McCulloch Effect. Freaky.
From beer.com comes interactive beer wenches. Kind of like, Ask Crystal, but much better. Enter your commands and watch...you know the drill. Experiment with the usual, such as:
  • Kiss
  • Dance
  • Dane on the bar
  • Strip
  • take your top off
  • etc...
But save the best for last...... fight !

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Play 20 questions against an AI (expert system). Pwn or be pwned.
"Someone though took their eye off the ball and the baggage handler unwittingly put the bag on a plane." So what was in the bag? Oh, nothing to worry about. Just something, apparently, "no more harmful than a chocolate bar".
The sacred cows of rock and pop - slaughtered while-u-wait!

Friday, December 03, 2004

Something pretty *and* safe for work for a change - check out the design of this site. Niiice.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Not sure what to give as a present this holiday season? In the 90s, this would have made you a hero to any young recipient. These being the 00s, this (page down) may be required. It is also something you will want to play with.

For adults, this or maybe this, may be more appreciated.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest is one of my favo(u)rite books of all time, a huge, sprawling, story of addiction in many shapes and forms. Among the (multifarious) conceits described within its pages is a shadowy society called Les Assassins des Fauteuils Rollents (aka "Wheelchair Assassins of Quebec"); its members become wheelchair-bound by participating in Le Jeu du Prochain Train ("The Game of the Next Train"), the object of the "game" being to be the last to jump out of the way of an approaching train.

The relevant pages that describe this game in its historical albeit fictional context can be conveniently found via Amazon through their "search within the book" feature. The relevant pages are here, here, and here - at least, they were for me, when I tried it, YMMV. If this doesn't work for you, go here, mouse over the cover image of the book, and type in a suitable search string (such as "jeu du") - there are several mentions of this phrase (natch) but the first link that came up with that search string for me was the right one. If all else fails, buy the effing book and read pages 1058-1060. It's a great book - did I mention that already? - and I think, knowing you, you'll enjoy it.

Anyway - all of this is a very long way around to get to this point:

Life (and death) sometimes imitates art.

From memepool - Remember -- Always pick the right tool for the job ... #4 is the money shot.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Background: The begging letters that aspiring screen-writers send to production companies, imploring them to please please please take a look at their POS screenplay, are called "query letters".

This site catalogs some of the most unintentionally hilarious query letters ever written - letters like this, this and this.
"The world today seems absolutely crackers,
With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky-high
There's fools and idiots sitting on the trigger,
It's depressing, and it's senseless, and that's why ..."

Profound words written, of course, by Mr Eric Idle, who naturally goes on to explain why

"... I like Çhinese"

But what of today? We have no Monty Python to soothe our fevered brows, and the Chinese, while still apparently "ready to please" seem to be doing so mostly by fuelling the mighty Wal-Mart juggernaut with Nike trainers for $1.98 and Aiwa DVD players for 37c (plus tax), allowing it to continue to roll across the world, squashing Mom-and-Pop stores and killing downtown and replacing them with out-of-town soulless boxes staffed with superannuated hollow-eyed minimum-wage drones in blue smocks and overalls.

But I digress.

Anyway, not to fear - one Ohio couple has the answer. They've built a godawful huge statue of Jebus, of which they say

"We're living in a day when a lot of people feel hopeless, but we believe that when people see him, they will understand he is the hope for the world,"

Thanks Lawrence and Darlene - I feel better already knowing there's one huge shitpile of plastic foam and fibreglass sitting just off I-75 amid a "Hustler of Hollywood sign for one of Larry Flynt's largest adult stores and a billboard for Bristol's Show Club & Revue adult club that features a lingerie-clad woman"

Monday, November 29, 2004

This is a neat idea, unless, of course, it gets so popular it brings the entire interweb to its virtual knees, in which case, it's not.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Got a burning question? Ask Crystal!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

A couple months back, I posted an entry about recognizing the location in which an FYR contribution was taken. Well, it's happened again, only this time the location is even more specifically recognizable, and I have photographic evidence ...

Here's the new FYR entry in question, and here's another photo of the same place, (taken at night, but clearly the same place). The location is Singapore, specifically the balcony of a hotel room on a high floor of the Swissotel Stanford. The weird, bulbous thing you can see behind her left hip is a concert hall I think, and you can see the Singapore River in the background. If you want more pictures of Singapore taken from a location very close to the one where the young lady is, just let me know. If you want more pictures of the young lady, however, I'm afraid I can't help you, but I suspect she's available by the hour, for cash.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

"Wrong on social services
Wrong on crime
Wrong on defense
Wrong for America"

Bush vs. Jebus

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

I need your clothes, your boots, your motorcycle and your vote for Presinator.

As a blue voter (in more ways than one) I've been more than a little bit dismayed to see the maps that all of the news agencies have posted making it look like the US is overrun with Jesuspublicans. Well, take that map and add in a little bit of statistical accounting for population densities and you get something a little less depressing.

And speaking of blue voters this guy may just be on to something.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Good news at last, brought to us by the BBC, who report that "great tits are not considered to be globally threatened. There are about 1,600,000 pairs in Britain".

Sunday, November 14, 2004

I heartily recommend that you all take 3 hours out of your lives to watch the following documentary series recently put out on the BBC entitled "The Power Of Nightmares". I strongly doubt this will ever air on US television. It chronicles the rise to power of the neoconservatives in the west, and the islamists in the east on the back of fearsome myths of their own creation. Its premise is that politicians failed to live up to the promises of their ideologies in the early part of the 20th century and lost control over their citizens, and have attempted to regain that control using mythical threats from invisible, intangible sources. It makes such startling claims as denying the existence of Al Qaeda in the form in which we know it from media reports and political proclamation. Broadband, bittorrent required...

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Friday, November 12, 2004

Free beer and peanuts! That is, if you don't mind a bit of a drive.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

The Internet is a great resource for music lovers, whether you wish to make music, or simply to listen to music others have made.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Well, since we're on the topic of recent-election-diatribes, here's mine.
David Icke:


The Bush family is one of these ‘Illuminati’ ‘royal’ bloodlines that
go back to ancient times and these are shapeshifters that can take
either human or reptilian form. It’s all holographic trickery because
everything, including the body, is a hologram and not ‘solid’ as it
appears to be. I have had many reports of people seeing father Bush
shapeshift. As for Kerry, he is said by Burkes Peerage to be more
‘royal’ in his bloodline than any American president, so he’s of the
shapeshifter bloodline, too. Only the bloodline gets into the Skull and
Bones Society. Kerry and Bush are both related to the British royal
family and Vlad the Impaler (‘Count Dracula’). Readers of my books
will understand the significance of this.


More nuttiness here.
OK, listen up all y'all, coz this is the only post I'm going to make concerning the results of the recent erectionelection (well, you have admit, it was a cock-up) we had here.

First, I'll let the Onion explain how it happened. Next, they can explain what the other 48% of the country is going to back to doing now. And finally, a positive and uplifting message of outreach, healing and hope to Bush's political base.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Raise your hand if you think Florida has managed to fuck up elections in just about every way possible.

Thanks but guess again. Combine their complete idiocy with computer coding from the 1970s and look what you get.
If it weren't for the fact that "channeling" is

a) associated with spiritualism, ESP, ghosts, witchcraft and so on, and therefore "the Devil's work" (ooga booga! ooga booga!) and therefore anathema and scary to Dubya, AND
b) a bunch of horseshit,

Dubya might plausibly channel FDR's first inaugural address and utter something like "Fear of the unknown is the scariest fear of all fears."

These two themes (scariness & horseshit) also achieve nexus in the Homeland Security Advisory System of Tom "Ruby" Ridge's Department of Homeland Security, and thereby on the website of THREATMETER.com who are, at least, quite open about the fact that "We Profit from Your Fear".

Sunday, November 07, 2004

I like to travel. Here's where I've been:



Hmm .. that map of Western Europe looks pretty much solid red. Here's the detail:



The little white dots in the big red splodge are: Andorra, Monaco, Vatican City and San Marino (but not Liechtenstein)

And in the US? Here's the states I've been to:



How about you?

Friday, November 05, 2004

Just the thing for cutting someone off (up) on the highway.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Here kitty, kitty, kitty. Come to Jesus.

It's good to know that all of the godless, heathen humans and other primates have already been converted.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

I think by now we've all heard the infamous Steven Thrasher Canon helpdesk raveout, but you probably haven't heard the new improved version, with added piano accompaniment.

Truly the most hilarious, inspired, and impeccably-executed mash-up I've ever heard. Madd props, big ups and a shout out to all concerned. Hoorah!
Do Apple know their users ? Maybe it's only iMac G5 users .... that need this.
A list of strange foods that some guy has eaten. Hachi no ko reminded me of a certain Simpsons episode. Here's my own list:

Reindeer - it's venison, what did you expect? Meat was an interesting dark red color though, even when well done. Had this somewhere in Germany.
Horse - don't recall this being much different than beef in either taste or texture. Had it in a stew, in Belgium, whence cometh French fried potatoes which, when done "right" (i.e. a la flamande) are actually cooked in rendered horse fat and apparently taste positively righteous.
Frog's legs - yeah, they taste like chicken. Had 'em in Chicago.
Goat - ate this curried in a West Indian restaurant in London with Rob Harrison on the occasion of some birthday or other. Tastes (surprise, surprise) like mutton.
Alligator - tastes like (tough) chicken. Not bad. Philips' Seafood, Baltimore.
Jellyfish (raw) - small threads of chewy gelatinous stuff. At a top-notch Chinese restaurant in Rockville, MD, in the company of a Hong Kong-Chinese guy who called two days in advance to order the meal; none of the dishes are on the regular menu.
Tigerlily buds - same restaurant, same meal as the jellyfish. Lightly braised in oyster sauce, I think. Very good.
Sea cucumber - eaten raw at a restaurant in Hong Kong. Sliced thin, served with equally thin slices of hot red and green chilis. Near transparent, slightly brownish color. Slightly chewy. Pretty good.
Chicken's feet - also in Hong Kong (same lunch), served in a disconcertingly sweet black bean sauce. Sort of like stringy, near-meatless chicken wings. Not really to my taste.
Tripe - actually pig, I think. Boiled for a long time, but served cold, garnished with onions. Had this in Tokyo. Pretty good.
Sea urchin - not sure this really counts; it was in the sauce on an appetizer at the W hotel in Atlanta. Uhh, it wasn't horrible. Quite tasty in fact.
Caviar (various) - Sturgeon, salmon and flying fish. Caviar is an acquired taste. If you like it, as I do, it's great. If not, there's not much you can say.
Eel - pretty pedestrian, I suppose. Have tried it hot-smoked (on a Danish cruise liner on the overnight route from Harwich to Hamburg) and poached (various sushi restaurants). Eh - it's OK.
"Variety meats" - a nice euphemism for various internal organs of meat animals. I've certainly (and knowingly) eaten kidney, liver, heart and brain of cow, and - honestly - various parts of chicken that I don't even know what they were. The former (the cow parts) were all in England (hence I can't donate blood here in the US now); the chicken parts were all served as yakitori in a couple of Tokyo dining establishments (where I also had grean tea and black sesame ice creams which were very good)
Bivalve molluscs - catch-all term for the oysters & clams I've eaten raw. These are pretty mainstream, but still not for everyone. I really love raw oysters. The stories about oysters being an aphrodisiac are not quite true; it is true however, that oyster-eaters make better lovers. After all, they say, if you'll eat a raw oyster, you'll eat anything. Ba-dum-bum.
Baffling babbling.

Sunday, October 31, 2004

I completed the maze after 71 moves on my third attempt. How 'bout you?

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Raph Nader debates John Kerry and Dubya. No, not the actual candidates. Dolls.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Yes, it's finally here, the combination you've been waiting for: Big game + treasure hunt + phone cam + semacode + giant animal totems = Conqwest 2004.
Can't let the whole month of October go by without at least one post about odd clouds.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

It has been said that there are no athiests in foxholes. But that not-as-often cited off-shoot that there are no satanists in naval ships has now been disproven.

"... like an uncontrollable welding torch from Hell ... causing the mineral oil inside to begin violently boiling ... clouds of superheated oil vapor ... explodes in a ball of flame", A very sobering look at the raw power silently lurking within a medium sized substation.
Did ye ken John Peel, and the New York Dolls?
Did ye ken John Peel, and the Sex Pistols?
Did ye ken John Peel, and those Cambodian Hols?
With his sounds and his chatter in the evening

To his radio show I'd listen in bed
And new musical tastes to which it led,
Peel's "Hello!" no more, for now he is dead,
And music fans round the world, all now grieving

John Peel, legendary BBC radio presenter and disc jockey, dead at 65.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Entry #3 in the list gives me Goosebumps.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Well, I guess that's one traffic warden who's now suitably chastened ...

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Just so you Yanks don't feel abandoned, know that we up here in the world's leading exports of cold fronts are standing with you, er, above you, in your Nov 2 pursuit.

Now, some may think this is from an alopecia advocacy association, or subtly sponsored by Schick (dig the alliterations?), but really, it's just silly advertising that means nothing above the 49th.



Hey Cletus, how's about you reach over and grab me my shotgun? I don't think my beer bottle over its head is gonna kill this here fish.. Dang, no wonder the other fish aren't biting this morning...
Truth is relative. If you say something often enough, and people believe it, then it becomes true. This is the hallmark of the faith-based presidency. Anything else is simply the delusional thinking of "reality-based" types such as liberals, scientists, rational thinkers and other wackos.

Monday, October 18, 2004

The crackdown continues, and America barely notices. Doesn't anyone care? Whene's the outrage?
GB meets GWB

Friday, October 15, 2004

News flash - Japanese build 50-foot robot firetruck that also dispenses used schoolgirl panties ... wait, I'm not sure about that last bit.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Stoopid Blogger. After 20 mins of spinning its wheels, I gave up and reposted. Then it published the original anyways. Oh well, waddaya want for free?
Silly Germans. Advance apologies that you seem to need IE on Windows for this to work but it is funny, violent, and grotesque.

Enjoy,
TimT
This is just fucked up. Sorry about the crappy Windows only video format but this, uh, work place safety clip is worth it. Contains graphic, if cartoonish, violence.

Enjoy,
TimT

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

I'm not sure how to make this any more awesome:

  • Japanese girls - Check!

  • Bitchslapping - Check!

  • Girl on girl - Check!



Amazingly this is safe for work.

Monday, October 11, 2004

It pays to look both ways before crossing. Tons more gross stuff, including suicides, homicides and deformities at Rotten. Don't say I didn't warn ya.
[CLANG]
Bring out your dead!
[CLANG] {0}

I wonder if the hospital got their ninepence from this guy.

Fact really is stranger than fiction. Even Monty Python's fiction.

And in other Python-related news anyone up for a trip to NY to see Spamalot next Spring?



{0} In case you haven't memorized the script ya pansie.
Crank up the war machine - the Bush campaign is conducting it's own private re-enactment of the Battle of the Bulge, only the bulge in this case appears to be a wireless audio prompting system (banned by the agreement that binds the debate format - see pages 4 and 17 for relevant bits) so that Bush could appear to participate in the debates without sounding like a clueless idiot (go figure).

Friday, October 08, 2004

Who needs Diebold when you have the AP in your pocket?

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Only in Australia.

G'day mate.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

I'm hoping this will be the last in the trifecta of sites-that-look-real-but-then-you-wonder-if-they're-fake-but-then-again-maybe-not.

Friday, October 01, 2004

Following on from Ken's earlier post, about "ever see something that you were sure was a satire, but then found it was actually true?"....

Check out Rockwell Automations Retro Encabulator! Now, with drawn reciprocation dingle arms!

Decide for yourself. True, or not true.

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Topical post!


If you get this before the US presidential debate on 9/30 I've found a way to extract a bit of amusement from it while your stomach churns at watching our current president's performance. Debate bingo. Share and enjoy. If you can.

And yes, I plan to make this a drinking game. I don't think I could tolerate W for 90 minutes otherwise.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Hey Florida: God called. He has a message for you: Wake the Fuck Up!!
I have GOT to get/make one of these. Imagine all the uses around your users. Ok, you may not have users (come to think of it I don't either) but we've all done tech support for friends, family, neighbors, random strangers who accost you on the street and can read the "geek" written on your forehead.

Ahhh.... the combination of sweet satisfaction and the tangy smell of burning flesh.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Wow. And you thought live kids were annoying.
The future is here. And it appears to have a bad slavic accent and wear clothes that would embarrass Buck Rogers.
Shocking
Two things from Tex-ass that don't suck - in the same week. This one comes from Dubya's adoptive home town, to boot. What's going on?
A reader's "top tip" printed in Viz magazine once described "moving as far away as possible" from this town as the best way to avoid depression; now, it seems, a reader's poll in another magazine, The Idler, has voted the same place to be "the most crap town in the UK". What town are we talking about? Why, Luton, of course. But wait! Maybe this could be the start of a turnaround for Luton, as a spokesberk for last year's "winning" town (that would be much-unloved and deeply unlovely Hull) reported:


"Hull didn't suffer at all by receiving the number one
accolade last year.

If anything it was good news for the city as it made
people look at the city, visit the city and realise
that Hull is in fact a thriving, vibrant place
undergoing a stunning renaissance."


Of course, it may be argued that the reason Hull didn't suffer at all last year is that things really couldn't get any worse than they already were. As for Luton, well, this may the be first, and last, time you'll see its name in the same sentence as the words "thriving", "vibrant" and "stunning renaissance".

Friday, September 24, 2004

The Onion reviews Matchbox Twenty's next album.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Ever stumble across a site that looks real, but you become convinced is a parody, only to find it's real after all? No? Well, if you're so smart, you tell me.
Isn't the new technology in cars a wonderful thing?!

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Eventually, I guess, by sheer chance it had to happen. Something good come out of Tex-ass, I mean. No other explanation.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

How much more ridiculous could a pickup truck get? None. None more ridiculous.
Parodies are good. Comedy is good. Heavy metal can be good. This combination... uhm, maybe not so good.

Bonus points for whoever can figure out what was the motivation (chemical or otherwise) for the authors.

Monday, September 13, 2004

While looking for directions to the nearest IBM office in Singapore, I came across this page and the disturbing image depicted thereon. View at your discretion. (Don't worry, it's SFW - after all, it's an official IBM web page).
Building a web site for the house you're trying to sell is a good idea. Including pictures is a very good idea. Forgetting to check the view out the windows is not a good idea.

In case you don't see it check the comments.

Nice house.
Browsing Amazon the other day, saw this nice little self-referential occurrence that seems to indicate that the disaster foretold has already befallen us:

"Disneyland with the death penalty" is how sci-fi has-been William Gibson described Singapore in Wired magazine back when Wired was interesting.

Sure enough, when you come in to land at Changi, you can't help but notice the friendly notice on the back of the disembarkation card: "WARNING - DEATH FOR DRUG TRAFFICKERS UNDER SINGAPORE LAW". Just in case you didn't notice, the flight crew helpfully remind you of this fact too, as you're on final approach, and strapped into your seat. "Great", I think to myself, "now I can't even get up to flush these three keys of China Cat I'm carrying". I keed, I keed.

The Singaporeans are far from the humorless drones Gibson makes them out to be though - I saw an ad last night that had been illegally fly-posted on the side of a box housing traffic-light electronics that had originally read "Condominium for rent", which some soul had creatively edited with a pocket knife:



And this (presumed) drug abuse education ad was just plain ... strange ...



What's the message here? Don't wish peace on your friends?

Still, the funniest thing I have seen so far is the unintentional humor in a sign in a bathroom here in the office building I'm working in. The sign itself is not very funny on its own; the goodness is that the sign promoting accurate pecker pointing has, in the bottom right corner, the logo of the company that provides the facilities management for the building:



As reprobate Jeff said - "There's no such thing!"

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Whenever I visit websites featuring images of prurient interest that are contributed by members of the public (eg 1, 2), I consider that it is inevitable that sooner or later I will feel the shock of recognition at finding images of someone I know.

Well, today it almost happened, but it was not quite what I would have anticipated. What I recognized was not a "who" but a "where" - I have been four-wheeling up the very waterfall depicted in this pastoral image of female nudity; it depicts (aside from the strangely unattractive unknown naked chick) a waterfall on the inappropriately named Dry River in the George Washington National Forest, west of Harrisonburg, VA, near Harrisonburg Reservoir.

I know this waterfall very well - the rock step is just the right height that the shackles on the underside of my truck's front bumper make a bone-jarring clang when they hit it. I have surmounted this particular obstacle maybe three or four times; the last time I did it I popped the right front tire off the rim, lost all the air pressure in it and had to try and change the wheel in the middle of the stream, after I'd winched the truck up the waterfall. I did not succeed in changing the wheel as the lug nuts were a bit too tight to be loosened by hand so I consider myself very lucky indeed that I was able to reseat and reinflate the tire sufficiently with the truck's onboard compressor. Huzzah!

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Man robs bank with rusty pitchfork. Story from a stupid criminals file? Nope. True success story from, you guessed it: South Carolina.

Yup, he got away.

By wearing sunglasses and a mask.

And getting picked up at a fast food restaurant so that the dogs lost his scent.

Only in the south, home of George W. Bush's core constituency.

I have to go cry now.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Remember:

Tera Patrick - porn star.
Tera Patricks - Mac journalist.

All clear now? Good. Next week: Jenna Jameson's guide to Windows shareware, Janine Lindemuller's Unix scripting hints, and Peter North's reviews of the latest 802.11g gear.
So let's say you named your company after a Chilean desert. Let's further say your marketing people decide to continue the Spanish-language theme by giving your products Spanish names. So far, so good. Wouldn't you expect, maybe, that they would choose, ahh, appropriate names for your products? And so what to make, then, of a Windows-based product named "Bitch"? Oop - just answered my own question I guess ...

Monday, September 06, 2004

Ever wondered how the world's press would react if we should happen to receive a radio signal from an alien civilisation? I'd always imagined it would be something like one of the Onion's "The Onion In History" covers like the one that recorded Neil Armstrong's first steps onto the Moon ("HOLY FUCKING SHIT! MAN WALKS ON FUCKING MOON!") or the outbreak of WWII ("WA- (headline continued on page 2)")

But maybe not. Maybe it starts like this.

Friday, September 03, 2004

I know I could use one of these shirts and I suspect that others here would find them useful too.

Or am I wrong about the reprobates demographic?
Even low-life scumbags need love too.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Next time someone calls you a sheep maybe you should lie down, roll over and take it as a compliment.

Monday, August 23, 2004

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Sunday, August 15, 2004

I saw this ad on The Onion's site, and it just didn't sit right with me. Check it out - what do you think?


Cheesy BSA ad

Friday, August 13, 2004

Finally, a group of veterans came forth to fill in the gaps in George W. Bush's military record. Now I can sleep at night.
Now I understand where all those great, insightful Ziff-Davis magazine reviews come from - they outsource them to these guys.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

" ... it's to enhance the performance, to make the udders bigger and more beautiful ..."

Monday, August 09, 2004

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Prozac found in UK drinking water. Nation reports it "feels more like its old self again". Empire-rebuilding to begin immediately.

Friday, July 30, 2004

When kids disappear, they put their pictures on milk cartons or (more likely these days) mass mailings (aka junk mail). Many, apparently, do return.

But what do you do when a lake disappears? That one came back. Others, it seems, are gone for good.
It's not every day you see an image of John Kerry picking his nose on TV. And what makes it more interesting is the creative way he's doing it ...

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Now why do you think this guy would expect an apology? Under the current administration, and especially since it took place in Texass, he ought to be grateful he's not being billed for wasting police time.
Official UK Government emergency preparedness site, and a parody of same.
How To Be Lazy, by some French tart. I kid you not.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Oh! Canada! "Last month it was reported that Canada had issued a record number of visas to strippers to meet a national shortage" (BBC News). And, to make sure the women being granted stripper visas know what they're getting themselves into, they're being asked to provide nekkid pitchers of theirselves ...
Raffi is a Canadian guy who makes funny, clever, gently weird music for kids. There's a strong overlap between, say, Raffi, some works by TMBG, and Trout Fishing in America.

One of his best-loved (and catchiest) pieces is the title track from 1994's Bananaphone. A little too catchy for some people, it seems ...

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

What would you do with $2,000,000,000? Well, this guy has some ideas on what Sun Microsystems might do with their windfall from our old friends Monoposoft.

Speaking of which, anyone want an @monoposoft.com e-mail address? I just might know the "JS" character who owns the domain.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

This is a followup to my post of July 16th on weird weather phenomena.

I'd heard the term lenticular clouds before but didn't think to include it at the time - see also here and here - heck, you can just Google up loads of examples.

Not quite a weather phenomenon, perhaps, but mistpoeffers or "the Barisal guns" is (are?) an interesting atmospheric phenomenon.

Seems there's also been some recent developments in the search for the elusive red sprites and blue jets that sometimes occur above thunderstorms; also, although it's not news as such (other than being news to me), it seems that the visible return stroke of lightning strikes is preceeded by emissions of X-rays, gamma rays, and beta particles ("fast-moving electrons"). Who knew?

Finally (at least for now), no roundup of lightning-related phenomena would be complete without at least a passing reference to ball lightning - anecdotal evidence here, scientific speculation on its nature and origins here, and a pair of Kiwi researchers who think they know what causes it here.

Friday, July 23, 2004

The voices in my head made me do it.

Every now and then, a name will pop into my head, unbidden. The names are mostly uncommon, and within a day or two I usually see the name (or a close variant of it) written somewhere, or on TV.

A good example of this is the name "Arbogast", which popped into my head sometime in late June or early July 2001. I know this because it was followed a few days later by the incident in which then-8-year-old Jesse Arbogast had his arm bitten off in a shark attack. I later found out there's also a local tree and lawn-care service in this part of the world called Arbogast (Arbogast the Arborist?)

A few weeks ago, the name was "Inamorata". A day or two later, I spotted an article about someone whose surname was "Enamorada". I'll take a Spanish version of an Italian name as a "hit".

Today, the name was "Sutphen". Sutphen, it turns out, make various pieces of fire-fighting equipment.

More interesting, though, is one David Sutphen, hypnotist, who wrote a widely plagiarized piece on mind-control and brainwashing.

While following up on one of the terms he used (specifically "voice roll"), I came across this review of a book called "Trance Formation of America". Given the overall non-believing tone of the review, I assumed it was a site run by skeptics, until I came across this little aside:


I'm not suggesting False Memory Syndrome but rather that she may be
accessing, via her imagination, the lower astral plane which is rife
with ethereal perversions, the very plane that attempts to control
us through low vibrational thoughts


Ahem.

Anyway, the review also contained an interesing term I hadn't seen before - NLP, which stands for "Neuro-Linguistic Programming" which turns out to be yet another pseudo-scientific area of study, of "techniques for mind, body and spirit [...] applicable in business for sales, management, communication, and coaching, as well as teaching, sports, therapy, and personal growth". The site goes on to say that "These techniques really work, producing tangible results" which, to me means precisely the opposite.

Still, all in all, a nice little diversion thanks to the incredible neuro-linguistic feat I achieved by tapping into the, uh, lower vibrational modes of the astral plane. Well, either that or complete coincidence.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Insect Battledrome - a new concept in entertainment.
Anyone who knows me probably knows I like hot, spicy foods. But what I like even more is hot sauces. Because with a hot sauce, I can make any food (or drink) as spicy as I like. Which, by most people's standards, is pretty damn spicy.

So, I've been delighting in local establishment RJ's Hot Sauces, here in Leesburg. Now RJ himself is a bit of a mystery. He opens the store only on Saturdays, and then only from "about 10am" to "about 5pm". In practice, "about 5" means that you are likely to be out of luck if you get there beyond 4:30. He is, as you may have guessed, very laid back, and very knowledgeable about the hundreds of hot sauces, salsas and bbq sauces he stocks.

RJ, however, is going to be closing his store at the end of the month of July because he's lost his lease. So, anyone who lives nearby and shares my passion for hot sauces, get yourself over to RJ's - he's opening his store every day except Sunday to move his stock, and offering a "buy three, get one free" promotion. He's not real thrilled to be working in the shop every day, which makes me wonder how he actually makes a real living. But I digress.

So, I was hearing RJ's tale of woe and talking sauce and decided to stock up on some of my faves (1, 2, 3) and maybe see what else he had to recommend.

Well, seems ol' RJ's been holding out on me, because it was only last week that he hipped me to Ring of Fire, which he casually described as the "world's greatest hot sauce". He wasn't kidding. It's not that it's incredibly hot (because it isn't - I mean don't get me wrong, it's hot, but it's not, say, Pure Cap), but it is intensely flavo(u)rful - a wonderful mix of hot peppers, vinegar, crushed black peppercorns, coriander and other things.

I opened some today, mixed with a regular store-bought salsa and ... oh ... my ... God ... yeah, it's that good.

So, needless to say, I'll be back there this weekend to buy some more while it's easily available from a local merchant, and I suggest you do too.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Flash: Dodge Ram trucks' hood ornament proclaims: "I am a pussy". No-one surprised.

Monday, July 19, 2004

It may sound like the punchline to a bad joke, but it's not. The entire proceedings of the 9-11 Commission Hearings are available for free download on the iTunes Music Store, free of charge, courtesy of C-SPAN. 50 hours of hearings are spread across 36 volumes. Can't wait to hear the remixes by Coldcut, DJ Shadow and Jay-Z.


Finally, truth in politics. Of course the idea of W being able to complete full sentences and remember his lines puts a hurtin' on that whole "truth" thing.

Still, it's funny stuff.
As the Onion commemorates the 35th anniversary of the first moon-walk in its own inimitable style, it's nice to know that the men possessed of The Right Stuff were also capable of fluffing their lines, and taking a few bum holiday snaps, too, recently and lovingly scanned at super-high resolution from the original film for all to smirk superciliously at.
How dumb do you have to be to seriously suggest that Micro$oft would ever EVER think of simply calling it quits? Answer: this dumb.

Of the three possible reasons Dvorak cites for MS's recently announced $1B cost-cutting drive ("Someone sees a rocky road ahead, they are even greedier than ever, or they are planning a shutdown") the one he chooses to write about is #3. As a credible precedent, he mentions the orderly shutdown of "Processor Technology" (uhh ... who?)

You don't even have to ascribe this exercise in prudent corporate governance to greed - it simply reflects their responsibility to the shareholders. Oh, that, and the fact they're the most fucking avaricious donkey-raping ass-monkeys ever.
Florida, it seems, is the new California.

Used to be that stupid crazes started, pretty reliably, in the Golden State. Now, it seems, the Sunshine State (you know, the one that's shaped like the receiver of a semiautomatic) has become the breeding ground for all things weird and ... well, weird.

Take, for example, the "dangling yourself from meathooks embedded in your own shoulder-flesh" craze. Hadn't heard of that one? Well, here's some suggestions for how to get ahead of the curve and get a jump on the next Next Big Thing:

  • The "Shave your head and tattoo a serial number on your arm" craze

  • The "Take a shower with Zyklon B" craze

  • The "March yourself at gunpoint into a communal gas oven" craze

  • Sunday, July 18, 2004

    This ignoramus (from Florida!) hit his girlfriend with an alligator. Apparently he couldn't lay his hands on a bat. (Bonus detail: not only was he charged with battery, he also charged with ... possession of an alligator. A neat twofer.)

    Friday, July 16, 2004

    Weird weather phenonmena: sky haloes and sun dogs, anticrepuscular rays, hole-punch clouds, (also here and here)

    Thursday, July 15, 2004

    Why do news outlets bother putting a date on warnings like this, rather than just, say, run a continuous ticker that says "Microsoft warns of critical flaw"? I guess in theory it allows you to distinguish one incident from another (or another). But when something keeps happens over and over and over and over again, doesn't it eventually stop being news?

    Wednesday, July 14, 2004

    If you thought that having a Republican administration meant that DC was full of clowns you ain't seen nuthin' yet. There's always the DC city council. But wait, there's more. Maybe these folks can teach the GOP a lesson on humor, humility, heart, compassion and other namby-pampy crap.

    Note to self: don't type such things while drinking Coke. It hurts like hell coming out of your nose.

    Tuesday, July 13, 2004

    How better to combine a love of tinkering with mechanical gadgets (made from such diverse components as a KitchenAid stand mixer - here, and a Sawzall - here) and extreme hard-core porno than with Fucking Machines? I'll be buggered if I know! (But preferably not with any of the equipment illustrated). Thanks, Tim! (Incidentally this company, one of the equipment suppliers for the site, has nothing to do with me)

    Monday, July 12, 2004

    Recipe:

    Take one lack of understanding of basic camera optics, add some scientistic mumbo-jumbo, and hey presto - OrbStudy! (aside: the supposed birthplace of this phenomenon, Gulf Breeze, is also the name of a cracking Eat Static track that can be found on both Abduction in its original form, and in the Zetan remix on Epsylon. But I digress)
    Got Cray?

    Come on, Ken. You know you want it.
    Those of us who are single can certainly understand the frustration that comes from not being able to find just the right person. Some people look to personal ads, or their on-line equivalent: dating web sites like match.com or Yahoo Personals. Others have tried speed dating or other creative means. This woman, however, claims to have taken her fate into her own hands by demanding that she be married by the end of 2004. Or at least expecting it. Or something like that.

    Anyone here want a desperate, high maintenance, needy woman? Look no further!

    Saturday, July 10, 2004

    Tired of having nothing to put on your Freedom Fries since John "Ketchup" Kerry became the presumptive Democratic candidate for President of the United States? Fret no more. God's Own Party has the solution for you. What would we do without them?

    Wait - don't answer that.

    Wednesday, July 07, 2004

    From the "way too much time on their hands" department, I present to you this interesting waste of time.

    Friday, June 25, 2004

    The Washington Post either loves or hates the new Spielberg film, Terminal. Either way, it is based on a bizarre but true story.

    Thursday, June 17, 2004

    Thirsty and poor ? Remember White Lightning and Thunderbird... If you can't the internet can ...

    Monday, June 14, 2004

    Whilst exploring the avenues of "incidental use" (as described in all sorts of strongly worded pop-ups), I ran across musicplasma, which is like the "people who bought ... also liked" but prettier.

    Wednesday, June 09, 2004

    (Thanks to John for this one) I wonder what her hobbies are?

    Monday, June 07, 2004

    From our "Wow, you mean it isn't just me?" department ("Microsoft-product-related woes" division) - Windows XP and Wi-Fi - not a happy combination.

    Gotta love the typical MS doublespeak in here:

    To some, the most infuriating part is that the wireless network connection
    icon in the XP taskbar doesn't display any indication at all that something's
    wrong. When there is a genuine hardware failure, the icon displays a small
    red X to indicate that the connection was lost. But with these mysterious
    disconnections, the icon continues to show a connection.

    Microsoft said users shouldn't be misled by the icon.

    "It indicates that you've associated with an access point. It is possible
    for you to be associated without having (Internet) connectivity," said
    Shai Guday, a Microsoft wireless group program manager.

    Ah, right, so that whole thing about "XP" meaning "experience"? What it means is you have to have experience as a fecking necromancer to discern the talmudic, hair-splitting difference in meaning between what the icon appears to mean and what it really means.

    Here's another great quote that nicely illustrates how, once again, MS completely misses the point:

    "We don't have data that suggests Windows XP drops wireless connections
    more than any other system," said Greg Sullivan, the lead product manager
    in Microsoft's Windows division. "Wi-Fi configuration in Windows XP is
    much different and easier than in previous versions."

    Different! Easier! Happy happy! Joy joy!

    What about the fact that no matter how different and easy it is - it DOESN'T WORK?! And furthermore, when it doesn't work, Windows will happily insist it is still working (see rantlet, above, about stupid icon-state semiotics), and certainly won't tell you how to fix it.

    Happily (?), there is a little rain-dance you can do that seems to restore connectivity:

    • Go to Control Panel.
    • Choose Administrative Tools.
    • Select Services. A two-pane window comes up.
    • In the right-hand pane, scroll down and click Wireless Zero Configuration.
    • Click Stop the Service. A progress bar may come up briefly.
    • Click Start the Service. Again, a progress bar may come up.
    • Close the Services window. At this point, Fleishman said, the
    connection should come back.

    Remember - Different! Easy! User experience!

    Saturday, June 05, 2004

    What's the betting the codes on these babies just got changed to '11111111' in 1977?

    Friday, June 04, 2004

    My very favorite part of the Washington Post is the Style Invitational - a weekly contest in the Sunday edition of the paper's Style section whereby The Empress sets the readers a challenge, the winning entry is announced a few weeks later, and the best entries are re-printed for all to enjoy. Frequently, much hilarity ensues.

    Few SI contests, however, have been so funny or so memorable in recent memory as the one which ran in the March 28th issue, which you can see here. This is an idea with legs - "X is a good name for Y, but a bad name for Z". Since encountering this concept, I have found myself subconsciously thinking of values for Z for every X and Y I come across. For example, X = "Chocolate Thunder From Down Under®", Y = "a dessert (scroll down) at Outback Steakhouse(*)", and Z = "a laxative"

    * - Outback Steakhouse, an Australian-themed steak house in the US is originally from ... yes, you guessed it ... Miami.

    Thursday, June 03, 2004

    It is one of my fundamental beliefs that any pastime can become an unhealthy obsession, and therefore a nerdly pursuit. One popular dictum has it that any given hobby has gone too far when you purchase special clothing for it - what this says about lingerie, I'm not sure. Still, if a thing's worth doing, it's worth overdoing, specializing to the nth degree, and arguing about the most abstruse, hair-splitting details - at least as some might see it.

    In this spirit then, I offer the hentai dictionary. As the author of this fascinating glimpse into nihongo culture observes:

    Why are Japanese so enthusiastic about giving names to every possible kinky act or
    combination of acts? In general, Japanese are much more SINGLEMINDED and focused in
    pursuit of their hobbies. For instance, if you're a good Japanese pervert, you don't
    want to walk into some porno store and just get any old panty-fetish DVD, you
    specifically want to get a DVD of panties being 'flossed' between the lady's pudenda
    in a sort of labial tug-of-war. And you want ALL the DVDs of this fetish EVER MADE.
    Since you don't want to spend 5 minutes explaining that to the drunk grandmother
    behind the counter, isn't it handy to be able to simply say, "kuikomi, please?"

    Wednesday, June 02, 2004

    People in Russia put their money in something called the "Sod-Business Bank" (Ok, then, Sodbiznesbank), and it failed. Sounds to me as though the bank only did what their name promised they would.

    Now those people are baring their bottoms in an effort to get their money back.

    Can someone explain please? Or at least get the blonde one in the middle to turn around, and maybe show us the rest?
    All I can say is: this chick must have been some piece of ass - she sure as hell seems to have to serious oral skills. Perhaps he should have recalled that she couldn't talk if she had her mouth full ... (SFW, surprisingly)

    Tuesday, June 01, 2004

    From our "Only in Alabama (or West Virginia, or Mississippi, or Arkansas, or Tennessee, or Kentucky or ... hell, anywhere in Dixie, really) Department": "Last Civil War widow dies at 97". Let's be clear about this - she (Alberta) married "the 81-year-old war veteran of the Confederate army, William Martin, when she was 21" and already widowed with a son, which would have been, in about, what, 1928? So then 10 months later, Alberta and William had a son, who they imaginatively also called William, which was probably in 1929. William Martin II is still alive, though, at 75, maybe not for much longer.

    Meanwhile, William Martin (I) died in 1931, at the age of (presumably) 83. Then Alberta married Charlie Martin, William Martin (I)'s grandson, presumably by William Martin I's first marriage, and who in turn died in 1983.

    Got all that?
    For all those Good Eats fans out there...

    Monday, May 31, 2004

    Got a collection of old computer hardware in your house/office/shed/whatever? Maybe you could recycle it, or make avant-garde electronic music with it.

    Friday, May 28, 2004

    Canuck chanteuse Peaches (aka Merrill Nisker) is apparently well-known to the in crowd and her music much in demand for the cat-walk and clubland alike, but as far as I can tell, she is remarkable only for her potty-mouth, which, it must be said, is considerable. Ahhh - if only she were better looking, more talented in a multi-instrumental way, and didn't have such an annoying voice. Then maybe she could be the female Prince!
    Rage For The Machine.
    I was a chemistry major but I never had the balls to do something like what this guy did. Props dude. Mad props. If it's an urban legend please don't tell me. I'd like to believe that somewhere out there someone takes chemistry this seriously.

    Thursday, May 27, 2004

    This is important. How anyone could read this and possibly vote Bush and his band of criminally-incompetent fools back into office is beyond me. Here's hoping the American public agrees on Nov 2, and puts the safety of the free world ahead of partisan politics. Anyone who objects that Kerry is a douchebag should click here and then vote for him anyway. We really can't afford another four years of Bush's incompetence.
    Here's a nice, well-written article on Why Windows Is A Security Nightmare. I can relate personally to almost everything the writer says, having had most of the same experiences. And I thought it was just me!

    Wednesday, May 26, 2004

    I've spent some time in Elizabethtown, KY. It, and Radcliff, are the towns nearest Ft. Knox, home of the US Army Armor Center - and a whole shitload of gold.

    Radcliff is interesting only for the presence of a car wash that was sandwiched in among a number of Asian-run businesses - restaurants, dry cleaners, and so on. I mention this only because the name of the car wash is the cringeworthy Super Slant (look for the name Gail Howard when you follow the link).

    And now it seems Elizabethtown has its own reason to be famous - this, uhh, member of Elizabethtown's Finest.
    British advertising supremo Charles Saatchi, co-founder (together with his brother Maurice) of ad firm Saatchi & Saatchi which helped to bring Margaret Thatcher to power, has long been known as an art lover.

    Proof positive of this can be found in the warehouse fire he so obligingly arranged, and by which means he conveniently rid the world of a ton of pretentious "Britart" crap that no-one will ever have to look at again. Cheers, Charles!
    I need one of these. Preferably a whole rack of them. It would greatly enhance my ability to play iTunes streams around the house ...

    Tuesday, May 25, 2004

    What kind of cheesy 80's toy are you?
    My mother sent me this, and the few people I forwarded it to on email seemed to think it was pretty good (as do I), so here it is, for all to enjoy:



    DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

    40-ish.............................................49
    Adventurous.................Slept with all your mates
    Athletic......................................No tits
    Average looking...............Has a face like an arse
    Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
    Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills
    Educated....................Was f*cked to bits at Uni
    Emotionally Secure......................On medication
    Dictio Feminist...........Bad hair and no dress sense
    Free spirit....................................Junkie
    Friendship first..........................Former slut
    Fun..........................................Annoying
    Gentle...........................................Dull
    Good Listener................................Autistic
    New-Age............................Body hair problems
    Old-fashioned..........................No BJs or anal
    Open-minded.................................Desperate
    Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing
    Passionate...............................Sloppy drunk
    Poet.......................................Depressive
    Professional....................................Bitch
    Romantic.......................................Frigid
    Social...................A twat like a clown's pocket
    Cuddly............................................Fat
    Voluptuous...................................Very Fat
    Large lady.................................Hugely Fat
    Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker
    Widow........................................Murderer

    Monday, May 24, 2004

    Sometimes it takes me a few days to catch up on the comics in the Washington Post, and in fact if it weren't for my wife's vigilance and the fact she kept the paper to one side for me, I might have missed last Friday's edition altogether. Which would have been a shame because Zippy the Pinhead visited a legendary, diminutive eatery in nearby Leesburg - The Mighty Midget Kitchen. Yow!
    Practical effects pedals. Judging by what I hear on the radio and on "th'MTV", there's a HUGE market for some of these. Inspired by these examples, I designed my own contribution, too.
    When Lego goes bad.
    So you're unfortunate enough to be running Windows because you have to (or dumb enough to be running it by choice). You have to contend with the massive onslaught of Windows viruses. so what do you do (other than switch)? You run anti-virus software. Maybe Norton's. Guess what? You just opened yourself up to a whole new vulnerability!
    FYR is one of our (well, OK, my) favo(u)rite sites - there's just something magic about the combination of seeing new (mostly) amateur boobie pics posted every day, and the ability to vote on their quality (or quantity, for that matter, if that's your criterion). What's really intriguing about it though, is the serial posters who post 3, 5, 8, 12 or more pictures of the same chick, sometimes over a period of many months. In some cases, the series get more and more explicit as their ratings go up - or perhaps that's the other way around - as the girly in question gets a little more bold with her rising approval rating.

    Although there is no official mechanism for posting comments of any kind on the site, some people have nevertheless found a way to editorialize in the form of contrived "handles" for their posting, or by adding rendered text right onto the image. The girl pictured in the series linked above, for example, seems to have inspired enough devotion in at least one guy (unless it's simply a contrived piece of self-promotion - see below) that he went as far as to create a "custom" email address and include it in a personal plea written on the picture that uses both of these editorial mechanisms.

    (The girl in question, in fact, also posts over at Voyeurweb occasionally under the pseudonym "Gorgeous" - this, together with the rather conceited comments she provides about her own pictures (eg "I have a beautiful smile") would ordinarily tend to be somewhat off-putting were it not for the fact that she actually is very pretty, possibly beautiful, and does have a great rack. Although ... there is something strange about her breasts - is it the way the seem to be connected to one another? Can anyone quantify this a little better?)

    So anyway - there's another chick who has contributed at least nine photos who seems to have inspired a certain amount of controversy (all since deleted by the looks of things), at least judging by this photo and the palimpsest made thereof. Stay tuned.

    Friday, May 21, 2004

    Thursday, May 20, 2004

    You can't make this shit up. This guy is a colleague of ours:
    Mello Pott
    After albums entitled "Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie" and "So-Called Chaos", I thought I would offer some more qualifiers in the same vein for Ms. Morissette to use when naming her next album. My suggestions are:

    • Purported

    • Alleged

    • Putative

    • Soi-Disant



    Perhaps she might even deign to reissue these two items from her oeuvre under new titles, incorporating some of these words, with the rest of the name suitably modified to harmonize:
    Great quote from this article: "I know this road and so do my donkeys. If I don't find it, my donkeys will." I thought this was why people bought cars with automatic transmissions, cruise control, and GPS navigation.

    Wednesday, May 19, 2004

    I meant to blog this earlier, but I forgot.
    In the past few years, many successful UK TV shows have been adapted for US audiences - Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, The Weakest Link, Changing Rooms (which became Trading Spaces here), Men Behaving Badly, Pop Idol (aka American Idol) and The Office (still in pre-production here) to name but a few. Now it seems the trend is to be at least partially reversed with the imminent arrival of a UK version of The Apprentice starring Alan Sugar (a man once famously characterized on BBC Radio Four as a "local boy made bad" who thought "erudite" was a kind of glue) of Amstrad fame (or is that infamy?).

    Anyway, what really caught my eye was this snippet at the end of the article:

    Sir Richard is due to publicise the programme in New York on
    Thursday by jumping off the top floor of the Virgin Megastore
    wearing a jet pack.

    Am I the only one who can see the following news flash come Friday morning?

    Media tycoon Sir Richard Branson was killed today in a horrifying
    130-foot plunge from the top of the Virgin Megastore in New York,
    apparently as the result of the failure of a homebuilt jet-pack.
    Sir Richard leapt from the parapet high above Union Square with
    the words "Look at me, I'm flyi..." when his maiden voyage was
    cut short by equipment failure. At this point, he departed from
    his script and ad-libbed "Aaaaaaaaaaaiiieeeee!" as he hurtled
    toward the ground. His crumpled body was burned beyond recognition
    when the fuel tank on his improvised jet pack ruptured on impact
    with the sidewalk, resulting in a 30-foot fireball that instantly
    turned the scene into an impromptu funeral pyre.
    Sir Richard was 53.
    Meet Robert Frederick Chamberlain. See where he lives. Call some of his neighbors. And see what his hobbies are.