Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Need to communicate. Don't bother with Esperanto or any of those other useless languages. Learn Trouser Semaphore.

Monday, September 29, 2003

Is anybody available to help me with an engine swap? The 5.8L V8 in my Bronco is a bit underpowered compared to one of these things.
Optical illusions. Some worked better than others for me. Your mileage may vary.

Friday, September 26, 2003

Can't get no satisfaction? (Even with Shawn's, uhm, devices) Perhaps you should move up north.
Oh and this just seems like an episode of Ren and Stimpy.
Bloggity bloggity blog. You can tell I'm busy this afternoon, but what I can't tell is why the guy on the right in the picture hasn't either shot the other guy in the nuts or the head. I wonder if you get a lifetime guarantee with one of these...?
I think this guy has Cthulhu's head in his mouth, but I can't be sure. Hurrah for beards!
OK how lazy can you get? Too lazy to cook? Too lazy to dress? Well, now you can even be too lazy to wank.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

And you thought you were getting f'ed by money.
Shaun's bum post reminded me of an old Reprobates standby - our good friends at Grupo Industrial ARSE in Mexico, but (butt!) who are not to be confused with the company whose web site can be found at http://www.arse.com.mx which is a clothing manufacturer called Grupo TRUENO (pronounced "true ano") ...

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

Monday, September 22, 2003

I'm not sure if I'd prefer the Bum Song ("My bum song's gone a bit squeaky" "He likes his bum song low and laid back"), or the Bum Jolly ("Have you seen my bum jolly?" "I'd like a stiff bum jolly please" "Why don't you have a go on my bum jolly?"). I think Jolly. Clicky http://www.bum.it/, enter and select products.

Friday, September 19, 2003

Every age has its dickheads.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

You gotta be careful with text messaging. It can lead to this, or it can lead to this.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

This list is cute, I suppose, but they missed a few:

10. You're a missionary? No way! That's my favorite position!
9. What's this bracelet mean? It stands for "Who Would Jesus Do?"
8. Give me ten minutes and I can have you screaming "Oh, Jesus, I'm coming!"
7. Woman, get on your knees and pray. Oh, and while you're down there ...
6. Second coming of Christ? That's nothing. You should see my third ...
5. You can call it "the holy trinity", I still prefer to think of it as a three-way.
4. Which is your favorite? Old Testicle, or New Testicle?
3. I am the Shepherd. Lay thyself down and my rod will comfort thee.
2. Christ died for your sins. Let's make it worth his while!

and the number one "Christian" pickup line they missed ...

1. Hey good lookin'. Wanna play priests and altarboys?

Monday, September 15, 2003

What happens to the other 60%, Professor Blakemore?

Saturday, September 13, 2003

The Man in Black has cashed in his chips. If you need me, I'll be in the bottom of a whiskey bottle.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

Last week's Onion? It blew. This week's? Pretty good ...

I think we all know people like this, for example.

Good to see David Blaine being given a warm British welcome !

Thursday, September 04, 2003

Those of us old enough to remember the glory days of Acorn & Sinclair (Timex in the US, oddly enough) have oft lamented that it's phenomenally hard for beginners to learn how computers REALLY work at a low level these days. Back in the day, we had widespread access to cheap'n'cheerful hardware with 8-bit CPUs and 64K of RAM - and an assembler, and hobbyist books, magazines and user groups to support us. Consequently, many of us grew up writing Z80 and 6502 assembler code, or, if we were lucky, PEEKing and POKEing our way through "low memory" with BASIC to see what we could make the machine do.

These days, I don't even know who produces an assembler for whatever x86 or PowerX chip is in our sleek, desktop machines (Metrowerks, maybe?) - and I wouldn't know where to begin if I wanted to actually do some simple graphics ... WinOpenHandle() this and WinRefreshBuffer() that ... eek. You could make these machines do SOMETHING visible by saying:

20 GOTO 10


(and if you wanted extra points for style, you could throw in a CLear Screen instruction at the beginning)

So, in the light of all this nostalgic wistfulness, I found the following statement very interesting: "Our goal here is to teach electrical engineering and low-level, highly optimized programming". All this, and hardware too, for a projected $99.

It's almost enough to make me want to commandeer the small TV from my mum's bedroom and get coding again ... almost.

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

Have you ever had one of those days when you just want to crawl inside a beer barrel for a while?
Well, thanks to your good friends at Guinness now you can! You could even live there if you want.

Opener sold separately.
Hey Joe, what did you end up doing with that old truck motor you had out back?

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

Don't worry, there is nothing to fear. We still have a decade before we are all dead. Its probably a good time to start a mean drug habit.
Got stuff you always wanted to know but couldn't find anyone bored enough to ask? Your prayers have been answered. Can I get an amen?