Darwin fails us again.

At least the subject can honestly tell his insurance company he wasn't the one at the wheel.

[4^/ `/0(_) |)!6 |7? |)0//'+ \^/0|2|2`/, 1+'5 +0+4|_|_`/ 54|=3 |=0|2 \^/0|2|{ 63|{02 \^/3 @|23 31337 4|\||) 4|_|_ `/0(_)|2 [0-\^/0|2|{3|2z 4|23 |\|00|3'5!!!!!

More fun with Google's keyword-driven ad placement system. This time, right here at home! Yes, folks, sometimes you can get a laugh by visiting the Reprobates page. Sometimes it's even because of something one of us wrote. Anyway, here's the deal - for some reason, Google thought that these were appropriate ads for our little corner'o'heaven:

www.whitehouse.gov never looked so good.

And if you liked that (you sick puppy) there's more. Make sure to check out the video for "I keed". Warning: it's not exactly work-friendly.

"He finds them. He fucks them. He farts on them." (definitely NSFW)

The future many have dreamed about is finally here. Or was before they discontinued testing. Damn.

Skippy - is that you?

One for the weird-things-serendipitously-discovered department. So I follow a link from Fark, and the linked article had a link to another article that looked interesting (about a guy arrested for spying on patrons of a public bathroom in a mall - what can I say?) and there was a banner ad above it for "WellsCargoCOG" and the link text "restroom trailers". So, first, of course, I like the fact that the keyword-driven ad placement system puts that ad in this context, but secondly, I click on the ad link.

WellsCargoCOG look like they make some find portable toilets, but the web site ain't so hot. For starters we have, in the top left corner, a picture of what? A giant semi-submersible portable toilet rig? And then we have a testimonial letter of sorts at the bottom of the page that begins "I am not sure how much need we have for this ...". It's from a guy in Arkansas. Make up your own punchline.

You take a great headline, combine it with a choice picture, and you have this - just one of the many reasons I love BBC News online.

Everyone not employed by MSFT knows that "Windows security" is an oxymoron of the highest order. So no company would trust it for a business-critical application, especially something involving money, right? Uhm.... no.

Courtesy of Diebold, the company that brings you electronic voting machines and weapons-grade stupidity we have the following pictures. Think they're photoshopped? Think again. There are movies too.

November 2nd scares the shot out of me. You know - you're having some Jager and then you think of four more years of shitforbrains in the whitehouse and the shot comes shooting out of your mouth. I hate that.

What kind of free pan is that??

Big boats, bigger weather.

Stupid patents.

Some classic reprobates fodder. Meet Ted R. Kurts. He set up Quest.com, a "successful" software company. Then he got religion, or rather, religion got him. Apparently, he's the second coming and is busy writing the Third Testament. Clearly, he's been canvassing opinions up there and there are some pretty strong opinions on love and sex. Apparently, the Spiritual LightSide "definitely does not like sperm rubbed on them." Reminds me of a time when Ken killed a conversation by interjecting with "Ever tasted your own?" By Chapter 9, however, he's on a SubGenius-esque roll:

"1. TJCG is saying that Moses was allowed to have a wife and yet for Ted it was that Ted has now been made COMPLETELY CELIBATE and that HE cannot have a wife or a Female anymore and of almost anything that has been DONE to HIM this makes HIM probably the most UPSET and WHY? Ted we did not want you to get married again because through her Satan or Devil and Demons could TEAR YOU APART again and she would take you for half and in a divorce this could really be a problem for you again and she would FIGHT you for CUSTODY of the children again and therefore you cannot get married again we think and you cannot have a or many Females because then you would be fornicating and this would cause you to be Dragged to the DarkSide and DESTROYED ENORMOUSLY now! TJCG is saying that HE is SACRIFICING and is getting TORMENTED and has been PERSECUTED and therefore the Spiritual LightSide or Good Spirits or Hosts that are in Ancient Heaven that are on HIS Side had better make HIS life COUNT while on World Earth and what is their PLAN for that? Ted we have been and are TRYING to make this count and we are going to work harder with the Christians and this is TRUE!"

Anyway, on the bright side once you get to heaven, sex will be great!

As you know, Reprobates loves Above Top Secret. It now has a sister site - Above Top Secret News Network, not coming to a cable system near you any time, oh, say, this millennium - in addition to the existing message boards on ATS itself, where the tin-foil hatted kooks can discuss items in the news.

What I find particularly amusing is that while the fundamental premise that the ATS "community" is in the know, they have knowledge that has been withheld from the rest of us (by, you know, the UN, or the Liberal press, or whatever), the inane babblings posted to the BBS reveals many of the posters to be not only seriously out of the loop, but simply unacquainted with basic principals of physics, chemistry, computer science, and whatever other topic is at hand.

Not only that, but they way they parade their ignorance just makes it all the funnier - like watching two geeky twelve-year-olds trying to bluff their way through a dorky argument.

Here's a good example - see the follow-up postings on article about world's largest RAM disk (look for the interchange between swampfox and alternateheaven at the bottom of the page).

The icing on the cake is that this behavior is plausibly just the wholehearted application of ATS' stated credo of "deny ignorance" as in not admitting you know zip about something.

I had occasion today to illustrate to Ian whence cometh an expression I like to use with abandon - the expression being "go fuck yourself with a cream cheese dildo" - and when I found a copy of the item that I first read as a Unix fortune(6) during my days at UKC, I decided it was such a classic (and because I only found a single, sole copy of it on the Web), that I would post the link. And so here it is. Enjoy.

I know I'm getting old when I look around and shake my head at "these kids today". But once in a while a heartwarming article comes around that renews my faith in the cleverness of those same kids. We just might be ok.

Be sure to look at the screen captures.

I enjoy outdoor sports and adventure travel. I can't say that I am particularly good at ironing. Combining the two does seem fairly interesting.

I think there's a valuable life-lesson to be gleaned from this great little review in the Onion's A.V. Club section - don't go food shopping at a dollar store.

How dumb - on a scale of 1 to 10 - would you say this woman is? And, lest ye think I'm on some kind of anti-American tirade here, let me give you a comparison point - is she smarter or dumber than this bint?

And, just so's you don't run off with the idea that I am airing any misogynist tendencies - what about this maroon?

"Nature red in tooth and claw ..."

You can launder your money.
You can hoard your stash.
Just don't try
to cook your cash.

Yes I tried it. Half a min.
And no my money didn't turn to ash.

Walmart is incestuous? Who knew???

I'm used to getting spam. I get a lot of it. Often, it has hashbusting random words inserted in the subject line. This morning, however, I got one whose subject line was a piece of pure Dada poetry in the extreme. It reads:

informatica beauty sledgehammer bavaria trenchermen stinkpot finesse deathbed juridic osborn rhinoceros these arctan athletic troglodyte dwell deodorant detest cicada rockwell d'oeuvre barberry aventine dido aspartic contemporary caldwell

It was so great I was almost tempted to try their offshore Web gambling site (not).

Thanks to Rich for bringing this multilingual swearing dictionary to my attention. Very useful. Googling for the Arabic for "Fuck your mother" yields some interesting results though...

No link to post. I just want to say Happy Anniversary to Reprobates. It just dawned on me as I looked at the articles that this blog has been blogged for three years this month. Thanks for starting this Ken and thanks to everyone for giving me a place to go for entertainment every single work day since March of 2001.

Not too long ago, Ken and I had a conversation about the rapidly approaching possibility of recording everything about our lives. A personal electronic diary, but one that was built from photos, video, and audio and one that wouldn't require us to do much to keep the diary going. I don't see the point, really, since most of our daily lives are boring and I don't see much reason in keeping a record rife with the banal and mundane stuff of life. Hell, even if I could keep a record of some of my daily highlights, much of that would have to be kept secret, like the morning pud-pulling or the long stare at that woman's behind while she stood in front of me at the deli.

Anyways, looks like Microsoft is busy making this a reality. No surprise.

Ah, a round of mini-golf. A relaxed way to spend some time with friends out in the open. Hey, wait a minute, WTF?

Ken, someone read our minds and built the ricemobile of our dreams. Don't miss all of the detail shots near the bottom - some are works of inspired genius.

I predict there will be an incident like this in the US by year end.

Ian (gee, thanks, Ian!) hipped me to this appalling news item about a some poor random dude who was hit by a drunk driver in an SUV as he was inspecting a flat tire and dragged to death under the truck - some 8 1/2 miles. Shudder.

I was intrigued, however, by the poor dragee's (no, not that kind of dragee) name - Fitsum Gebreegziabher - and decided to Google it.

The fifth result looked interesting - and, lo, it is indeed a treasure-trove of mystical numerological nonsense, or, as they pronounce it, "Kabalarian philosophy". Try viewing, for example, the unintentionally hilarious Flash presentation that "explains the basic principle of "Why?" and "How?" your name creates your mind." (or, if you prefer, and as stated in the crappy Flash animation, "your mind creates your name". Je pense donc je suis/Je suis, donc je pense. Cause, effect, whatever)

So - guy with a funny name dies horribly, but at least we can find something to laugh about in the whole affair.