How does this work? How 'bout if people decided to take the rest of the year off as paid vacation? Would that save HP a bundle or what!

There are a number of things it is acceptable to smack around on a golf course. But this is not one of them.

Granted, we all mix up lyrics. I have never, however made the following error:
Warren Zevon's "Werewolves of London"
Misheard Line	He's the hairy handed gent who ran a muffin tent
Original Line	He's the hairy handed gent who ran amuck in Kent

More misheard lyrics are here

Another host to the bizarre: Need To Know, a veritable treasure trove. I learnt how to sit while I shit to avoid a stroke! Also, Monkey! Strange how the rise of LSD coincides with increased monkey-related crop damage...

The Visible Human Project + Teen idol (and semiconductor physicist) = Britney Exposed

I love tribute albums. I really like the way people can take a song, mix it up a bit, and then make money off of it. We need more bands like Hayseed Dixie.

It's Friday afternoon and I have blogaholism. This guy should have picked on Elmo. Everyone hates Elmo. Or Grover, the big blue fuck.

I remember my mother telling me not to bite my nails. She also told me I needed plenty of iron in my diet - I guess this guy just couldn't handle the duality of it all.

If I had a mynah bird at my house, it would be saying "No, I don't want to switch my phone service to AT&T/MCI/Sprint, thank you ...". Not this one, though.

A few weeks ago, The Onion posted a story about teens marking the site of a roadside tragedy with various tacky items, including a teddy bear, hastily-scribbled "We Love U" notes, and so on. It appears they didn't archive it. Too bad. The Richmond Review reports "An impromptu memorial of burned incense sticks, fried chicken wings, shrimp crackers, cigarettes and flowers" after this incident.

Huhwha?

Is it just me, or do the vocal stylings of Eugene Mirman ("the marvellous crooning child") remind anyone else of those of, say, Frank Sidebottom (not that you'll actually find any Frank Sidebottom tracks there)? Or maybe even Tiny Tim? No matter, Mr Mirman has some other funny stuff on the site too (click on the "by eugene" link)

Heisenpants

Suck and Feed ... Suck and Feed ... yes, it's what babies do. It's also what Automatic Media doesn't, at least not any more.

This is a damn shame. My question is this: could the current round of Web-zine & content-driven site implosions have been averted if micropayment technology had taken off? I mean, isn't it all about a revenue stream? I know I've banged on before about the webvertising implosion, but this is important.

CyberCash (aka CyberCrash), founded to do precisely that, foundered trying to do precisely that, retrenched as Glenn Melton's atavistic tendency told them to as a credit-card clearing house (mostly servicing porn sites, natch), and then went into the classic death spiral of rightsizing, downsizing and finally capsizing (OK, they were bought by VeriSign, but it was too good a line to pass up).

The same fate, or one equally dire, surely and depressingly awaits Digital (or Compaq's) Millicent or Jalda. Millicent, in fact, never seemed to even get off the ground, and Jalda's success seems tied to such other continually just-over-the-horizon technologies as 3G/iMode/Web-phones-that-work (anyone for Symbian?)

But what if sites were able to receive (a small amount of) money every time you viewed one of their pages? IMHO, if we are ever to return to the days of a robust and vibrant ecosystem of content-driven websites, then sooner or later, we (the collective we, that is) will have to come up with something more sustainable (and sustaining) than the Emperor-has-no-clickthroughs of webvertising or the sticker shock of cash-up-front for indeterminate value received of subscription sites.

Stop press: Darwin proved right, despite what the "Creation Scientists" would have you believe. Survival of the fittest, baby. (Incidentally, more refutation of the misguided lunkheads' babblin' can be found here, here and here for those who find there scientific belief systems threatened by the foregoing ;-)

And, from the same site, comes something that I just don't know what to make of ... it ... which ... erm ... but which has the definite look and feel of the Church of the SubGenius.

Boob goes up. Boob goes down.

Shaun's recent contribution continues to pay dividends. Further exploration of the site reveals a link to the fascinating zeppotron.com conspiracy, and Zeppotron.com is a veritable treasure trove of humo(u)r. Take, for example, Unnovations, or indeed any of the other stuff on the E4 (Channel 4 Entertainment) site.. This is some bizarre and very funny shit.

You can't spell Clitheroe without spelling "heroe", and you can't spell Scunthorpe without "S" (and "horpe").

But Clitheroe is also home to the Messiah, or so he says.

The creator (of the web site, as opposed to the (alleged) Creator) says he never responded, but "the then Archbishop of York, John Habgood, and John Gummer, then a Cabinet Minister, had also received letters from the Messiah, and he sent me photocopies of their responses. The Archbishop's reply repays thought." The replies can be seen here. True enough, the Archbishop's response is a thing of beauty.

Footnote to Shaun's post (even though it appears above it - headnote? caption? whatever): be sure and trawl through the archives, too. Great stuff.

What do you get if you cross Viz with the classifieds section of a travel mag? This. "...Grow a beard, see things, cry in front of windows, befriend cutlery, declare yourself King!..."

Meta-item: upon inspection, it appears that a shocking percentage of my recent postings have been breast-related. Perhaps, like locally-based but nationally-syndicated afternoon butthead disc jockeys Don and Mike, I should take a leaf from Dr. Strangelove's book and simply learn to stop worrying and learn to love the boob.

What do you get if you cross a spice rack, a 19" electronics rack, a CD rack, and ... many others ... with one of those rate-random-things(*) sites? You get this.

* - I was going to link to the infamous AmIHotOrNot here, but it's gone! So instead you can go here.

From time to time on Reprobates, we discuss our collective fascination with huge dump trucks.

It's also no secret that I am an avid four-wheeler (where "avid" is defined to mean that I haven't actually been off-road in well over a year due to, err, other commitments). Four-wheeling enthusiasts enjoy looking at pictures of other people's misfortune (or misadventure). Clearly, then, the best picture of all would be one that combined both those fascinations, right?

If you were driving down the street and an attractive young woman invited you to lick her breasts, then if you were like most guys, you'd probably do it. Well, you might want to think twice about that.

So, that's the secret. I just need to feed my girlfriend chocolate and she'll act like a sex-crazed monkey.