My mother sent me this, and the few people I forwarded it to on email seemed to think it was pretty good (as do I), so here it is, for all to enjoy:

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:



40-ish.............................................49

Adventurous.................Slept with all your mates

Athletic......................................No tits

Average looking...............Has a face like an arse

Beautiful...........................Pathological liar

Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills

Educated....................Was f*cked to bits at Uni

Emotionally Secure......................On medication

Dictio Feminist...........Bad hair and no dress sense

Free spirit....................................Junkie

Friendship first..........................Former slut

Fun..........................................Annoying

Gentle...........................................Dull

Good Listener................................Autistic

New-Age............................Body hair problems

Old-fashioned..........................No BJs or anal

Open-minded.................................Desperate

Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate...............................Sloppy drunk

Poet.......................................Depressive

Professional....................................Bitch

Romantic.......................................Frigid

Social...................A twat like a clown's pocket

Cuddly............................................Fat

Voluptuous...................................Very Fat

Large lady.................................Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker

Widow........................................Murderer