You buy a house. A nice new house in a nice new development. It's a dream house. And then that dream turns into a nightmare when the Redneck Neighbor moves in next door.

So who actually thinks she got a trophy that looks like that for her golfing prowess, hmm?

Good article in the Onion this week: why do porn actors have to use such foul language? I also liked this Onion STATshot:

So, was Hef an Enron investor? Maybe he's just trying to recoup some of his investment...

Oh my god....Canadian soldiers killing people ??? We'd better form a
government committee to assess this situation.

Help! Hong Kong Bin Laden kill Hong Kong peoples with Brain voice read write machine!

This is a smear campaign, honest! We're the world's most peaceful nation, and anybody who believes otherwise is going to get their head pounded in...

I think you Yanks put us up to it, as everybody knows that we Canadian's can't just modify our Armored Personnel Snowmobiles to go on water..

Stupid stories from Corporate America, brought to us by the magazine that wrote a feature piece in the May 2002 issue that strikes near to all our blogging hearts.

Another change since Tora Bora, with no immediate prospect of finding bin Laden, is that President Bush has stopped proclaiming the goal of taking him "dead or alive" and now avoids previous references to the al Qaeda founder as public enemy number one.

In an interview with The Washington Post in late December, Bush displayed a scorecard of al Qaeda leaders on which he had drawn the letter X through the faces of those thought dead. By last month, Bush began saying that continued public focus on individual terrorists, including bin Laden, meant that "people don't understand the scope of the mission."

"Terror is bigger than one person," Bush said March 14. "He's a person that's now been marginalized." The president said bin Laden had "met his match" and "may even be dead," and added: "I truly am not that concerned about him."


Hmmm. Maybe Bush isn't such a bad politician after all. Maybe he is just another slimy snake. Seems like he is slowly moving our focus on to other things. That's not a bad strategy, but he didn't seem to effectively convey his message to the editors at the Washington Post. Not surprisingly, they've been nice enough to inform us that the US military didn't get the job done when it had the chance.

Shaun, you're slipping. You missed an opportunity to include a link in your posting about the TA's. Because of that, we don't know if you believe the "wax tadpole" story to be a true example of corporate cluelessness about naming products and the way those product names read overseas, or whether you're implying that the TA's story is, like the "wax tadpole" story, merely a bit of urban cokelore.

Similar examples, of course, include the story of the Chevy Nova, the Commodore VIC-20 (sold auf Deutschland as the VC-20, for Volkscomputer, supposedly because VIC sounds like a noun derived from the German verb wichsen, meaning "to wank") and the Toyota MR2 (sold, in France, under the name "MR", because it's literal pronunciation in French of "emm air duh" supposedly sounded a little too close to "merde").

Soon, he'll be banging away in a federal penitentiary and the "stick" in his hand may be someone else's...

Next time you're in a hurry and you need a snack, you might follow this guy's strategy.

Elizabethtown, KY. I've stayed here. It is a surreal piece of America which includes an IHOP that has been turned into a strip club (Goebles Girls Girls Girls), a cement building with no windows labeled "Beer" and another one labeled "Girls," and a gas station which had an ad that read "You're ugly, your car won't start, and your dog died. Buy beer here." From this fine city near Fort Knox, I give you a case of Victor / Victoria or more accurately, Victor v. Victoria.

Apparently, the "Always With You" posters I mentioned previously were a caption competition. Who knew?

Oh dear, another "bite the wax tadpole" I fear. The Territorial Army in the UK has launched a new campaign to get people fit - getfitta. Unfortunately, in Swedish, this apparently translates to "goat pussy". Still, as the TA does a lot of its training exercises in Wales, this might be a more accurate description.

Back to the conspiracies!

Jesus is a Ball Hog.

Someone needs to come up with a scam to raise us $78,000,000. How are we going to dominate the world in unparalleled luxury without one of these? Can you imagine how much fun you could have in one of these babies in the Florida Keys?

Damn! And there I was hoping G Dubya was the fictional president. If I was an American, I'd vote for Martin Sheen and it seems like some people think they already have.

So, what exactly *did* happen to the plane that hit the Pentagon on 9/11? Actually, howcome there's no conspiracy theory to go with all this evidence? Perhaps it's here...?

Ancient pagan monuments? You can shove 'em up your...

Onanism a problem in your household? Need some 24/7 guilt? Paper your teenager's room with the DIY Pope. Maybe you need a little christian guidance at work? No problem! Whatever your profession, Jesus is with you always...

Someone die owing you money? Offer to buy the tombstone...

Can't be bothered to read all the spam you get in the mail? Then why not listen to the best of it instead? Hey, I *want* 13ft ejaculations now!