The gentleman shows himself a good time

Pervy little stories made entirely from children's book titles.

WWJD

If he was a jerk?

Nice Muscle

I so need this.

Art imitates life.

Next on the crime network...

When ancient video games attack. 

Acid Flash

My eyes! My eyes!

Best. Flash. Game. EVAR

Watch out - the third level is waaay tricky. You have to keep the exchange rates for several currencies in mind, or else you'll never manage to sufficiently destabilize the economy at a macro level to ever get the various rival groups of inhabitants riled up enough to foment revolution, and even if you DO - they may not replace the existing hegemony with an appropriate form of collective democracy. Also, you have to hit the level boss square in the kneecap (if you can figure out where it is!)

New HP copier functionality coming early next month!

I think you know what needs to be done with these - print, attach to the HP scanner/copiers in your office, and await lulz.

If this woman continues to feel ... sorta, I dunno ... then sooner or later she'll probably have a massive nothing to worry about.

Butt Drugs

You know, I'd never even thought of drugs that way

Censorship in Opposite Land

So simple, so puerile, yet so very, very funny.

You may already familiar with Hans Joachim von Mötörhead's magnum opus, the "Ace of Spades" concerto for guitars and drums.

The truth is, you've probably heard it even if you don't recongnize the name. It's the one that goes dan-dan-da-da-daan-daaan-daan-dan-dan-da-da-daan-daan-daan ... etc etc

I present here for your listening pleasure, a number of interpretations thereon:

Viktoriya Yermolyeva's piano version

Coal's rockabilly version

and last, and most definitely least,

Adam Hatton's Microsoft Songsmith-powered interpretation

Let's see - prevents arthritis, stops you going senile, and cures cancer. And tastes great when you're pissed out of your head.

Curry - is there anything it can't do?

Umm, it's a music video. That's all I have to say about that.

Finally, some good news.

IT'S PEANUT BUTTER BADGER TIME!!! brought to you by two YouTube videos and a motherfucking crossfader.

Some say older people are the worst drivers. Others, women. Still others say it's Asians.

In completely unrelated news, a 68-year-old South Korean woman has passed the written portion of the driving test after only 950 attempts.

Now she just has to pass the practical. At this rate, she could be on the road by the time she's 72!

In Soviet Russia, alcohol abuses you!

On the day that, in the words of BBC News, Microsoft "unleashed" WIndows 7, Japan, as always, can be relied upon to bring the whiskey-tango-foxtrot.

Hey now
Where you going with that load of nothing in your hand
I said, hey now
All through this green and pleasant land.

I'm going down to Liverpool to do nothing

Don't give a flying fuck?  Well then this won't help with all of your holiday gift-giving needs.

Don't tell Lex Luthor, but I think they've found Superman's fortress of (really hot) solitude.

Old skool reprobates stuff

Funny Japanese iPhone related product. Not sure what it is, not sure I care but the website asks "What's i-fukkin?" Dunno, what's u-fukkin?

Boycott Scotland

If you object to the release of the Lockerbie bomber by the Scottish, why not consider boycotting Scotland?

Internet DNA

Find out how the world sees YOU. Or at least everyone with your name.

Give 'em the finger

Shake hands with your future.

I, for one, welcome our high-speed robot overlords.

Talking out of your ass: bad.

Winking out of your ass: WTF, mate.

(I guess the models with the nice asses looked at this and thought: Are you f'ing kidding me?)

Jackass at work stealing your lunch from the fridge again?

You must not be using the right kind of sangwidge bag.

Instant drive-by shooting, just add stupid.

Do you have an officially certified birth certificate? No? Do you want one? One that gives you the panache and high-class status of being born in Africa? Well, now you can have one for the low, low price of free! Yes, you read that right. Free!

Just follow your mouse and you, too, can have a Kenyan birth certificate as authentic as Barack Obama's!!

No obligation. No sales rep will call. Operators are standing by. Click now!

No doubt you've seen that viral video of what's supposed to be the best wedding intro ever?

Wonder how it ends? Wonder no more.

Some people are taking the idea of a nice relaxing drink very seriously indeed.

Smoking kills (your wallet)

"Yeah, can I get some cash back if I charge these smokes? Ok, cool. How much you got in the drawer?"

So if it neither prevents nor cures swine flu, but may actually help to spread it, how is it distinguishable from, say, ordinary tap water?

I'm not sure if this is the coolest thing I've ever seen or the scariest. Calling skynet. Skynet are you there?

Oh wait - it's on Fox"News". So it's clearly fair(read: distorted) and balanced (read: bullshit).

Carry on.

Ever wonder if it's your time to go?

Not this guy. Dude, go play the lottery. NOW.

This is one of my new favorite sites.

Ken, you got any handywork to contribute?

Playin' large.

Anyone up for a life-sized version of Operation?

Bacon Hottie

Not sure why all my posts are meat-related these days, but there you go. Anyway - Girl in a Meat Dress

Boom!

Add one part youtube, one part mythbusters and 2 parts juvenile schadenfreude and you too can have action beverages (no, not those stupid energy drinks) at your next party.

MECHA WARS!

I, for one, salute our new, rusty overlords.

Other award shows should emulate.

Every OS sucks.

Yes, even yours, mine, that other one.

Business cards made of MEAT. That is all.

Bacon

Baconbaconbaconbaaaaccoooonnnn. Bacon. Just add bacon.

Because many of the things I'm about to say regarding Reprobates have already been beaten into the ground, I will try to keep this letter short. For starters, I recently overheard a couple of unbalanced snobs say that homophobic bloodsuckers have dramatically lower incidences of cancer, heart attacks, heart disease, and many other illnesses than the rest of us. Here, again, we encounter the blurred thinking that is characteristic of this Reprobates-induced era of slogans and propaganda. The only way that we can fight Reprobates, the only way we can beat it, is to begin the debate about its grievances. To a lesser degree and on a smaller scale, I fully intend to reveal the constant tension between centripetal and centrifugal forces of dialogized heteroglossia resulting from its fibs. That's the path that I have chosen. It's doubtlessly not an easy path but then again, I call upon Reprobates to stop its oppression, lies, immorality, and debauchery. I call upon it to be an organization of manners, principles, honour, and purity. And finally, I call upon it to forgo its desire to sweep its peccadillos under the rug.

In a Reprobates-led society, people who keep our priorities in check will be suppressed, vilified, hated, imprisoned, exiled, and killed. Why is that relevant to this letter? Because all Reprobates really wants is to hang onto the perks it's getting from the system. That's all it really cares about. Many of Reprobates's morals have been criticized for being slanted in favor of a particular stance. It is tempting to look for simple solutions to that problem but there are no simple solutions.

I have one itsy-bitsy problem with Reprobates's philosophies. Videlicet, they stand in the way of progress. And that's saying nothing about how you might say, "Social stability and family unity are two things that mad sad sacks have no concern for." Fine, I agree. But if you were to try to tell its acolytes that anyone who questions its warped view of the world is a threat to its tottering sense of reality, they'd close their eyes and put their hands over their ears. They are, as the psychologists say, in denial. They don't want to hear that Reprobates has remarked that it should be a given a direct pipeline to the National Treasury. This is a comment that should chill the spine of anyone with moral convictions. To make sure you understand I'll spell it out for you. For starters, if you look back over some of my older letters, you'll see that I predicted that Reprobates would feed us ever-larger doses of its lies and crackpot assumptions. And, as I predicted, it did. But you know, that was not a difficult prediction to make. Anyone who has bothered to learn even a little about Reprobates could have made the same prediction. Reprobates has had it easy all its life. There, my ranting is finished.

Behold, the Complaint-O-Matic!

Ryanair is thinking of charging its passengers to use the toilets while in flight. What could possibly go wrong?

Meet my new shordurpersav: Tucker Max.

Thanks again, Jeff!

Duct tape - now available in nuclear grade!

Bacon is over as an Internet meme, the pirateninjazombies craze is officially "tired" - how are hipsters and /b/-tards alike going to get their yuks on next?

My prediction: sumo wrestlers. Thanks, Jeff!

A møøse ønce bit my sister ...

Something just can't be made funny

Even Yakety Sax failed us.

As a corollary, other renditions aren't terribly amusing either.

$0.002 = ¢ 0.002 "if you look at them on paper-wise"

The braintrust at Verizon talking cash cash money.

Star Trek: The Next Next Generation - Episodes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

HI THERE BILLY MAYS HERE FOR THIS GREEN & WHITE EPOXY PUTTY SHIT

Farewell, George!

GBSF. That is all.

Michelle and Barack do what together now?

Hey, I don't care what you do in private but it seems odd to broadcast it on the news ... especially on Fox "News" ... in Detroit ... on live TV.

Ben & Jerry create "Yes Pecan!" ice cream flavor for Obama. For George W. they created ...

Dear Neighbour,
you are not invited to my party

Awesome collection of really useful Unix admin scripts - link.

Mike Rowe, star of Discovery's Dirty Jobs, used to hawk all kinds of things on QVC.

Including, it seems, the best-named product EVAR.

Irony, thy name is Father Dino Bottino - "your fictional character is fictional, but mine is real". Ooookaaay ...

Presenting new, improved Reprobates®-brand humorous blog - now with added bacon!

Paul, Serge - you guys got some 'splainin to do. Swaffelen.

Mmmm, Bacon.

Breakfast of Champions.

Santa's GMail inbox (thanks, Chris!)

The Onion presents a Series of Unfortunate Incidents.

UPDATE: Yet another.

UPDATE UPDATE: And yet another another.

Bush is resting comfortably at Bethesda Naval Hospital.

And now here's your daily dose of WTF, courtesy of Dhamma Media Channel, in which a singing crocodile dressed as a cowboy teaches you to meditate.

A cartoon cat, who looks not entirely unlike another well-known cartoon cat, does unspeakable things with his owner who looks a bit like, well, you know, and the dog, who also bears a certain resemblance to another well-known dog.

Barfield Loses His Lunch

You got crap taking up space? Toby Jones has got room for it!

O, Canada! Land of funny names and people who say "eh" a lot, eh?

My mostest favo(u)ritest funny Canuck place name is Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump, but it's also good fun to get Google Maps to show you the way from Dildo to Climax.

It's even longer if you go via Intercourse though.

A Christmas Story is a sweet, nostalgic family film from 1983, and one of my favo(u)rites. It's cute, and good-natured, and pretty funny, too. To mark the 25th anniversary of the film's release, you can bid (with the proceeds going to charity, natch) on the opportunity to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning in the house where it was filmed. Of course, the house is in Cleveland, OH - so there's that.

"But why", you are asking yourself, "is this being posted here on Reprobates? What's reprobative about that?"

Glad you asked. Scroll down to the bottom (bottom - geddit?) of the page about the house and there's an ad for a Chinese restaurant near Cleveland called Pearl of the Orient which proclaims that it's all about the "Color - Aroma - Taste". What worries me is that the owners of the restaurant seem to have - without irony - chosen as their logo the obvious acronym based on the restaurant's name.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and Santa Claus likes the "Color - Aroma - Taste" of POO.

All your time travel medications needs can be found here. That is all.

Editing & compositing has come a long way since the days of Superman: The Movie - it's done on video for a start, it's affordable, and it's widely available. Check this out - you'll believe a manJohn McCain can flykrump.

Couple of quickies related to the company that, above all others, I really love to hate.

The first comes from an article on AppleInsider (exactly how she got an Apple inside 'er I'm not quite sure, but I digress) on Apple's progress towards a full 64-bit kernel with Snow Leopard. Here's the quote:

Mac OS X and Windows x64 software

Apple also developed a clean 'fat binary' method for delivering cross-platform binary code, including both 32-and 64-bit versions in a single app bundle, or binary package. On Windows, 32-bit and 64-bit code has to be installed separately. Supporting library files on 64-bit Windows have to be put into System32 (if they are 64-bit) or SysWOW64 (if they are 32-bit).

This apparent contradiction relates to the fact that Microsoft couldn't change the name of the Windows System32 directory (originally named to distinguish it from the 16-bit System directory) for compatibility reasons, and that SysWOW64 is the 64-bit process that runs 32-bit Windows apps in a compatibility mode on Windows x64, called WOW64 for 'Windows on 64-bit Windows.'

Isn't that classic Microsoft? Let me quote the jaw-dropping part again - Microsoft couldn't change the name of the Windows System32 directory - just beautiful, and almost as mind-numbingly stupid as money quote #2 - Supporting library files on 64-bit Windows have to be put into System32 (if they are 64-bit) or SysWOW64 (if they are 32-bit). Gnnnnnn!!!! No possibility for screwing that up, is there!

The visionary world-changing geniuses up in Redmond could not possibly have anticipated that the world would someday migrate away from 32-bit computing to 64-bit. After all, such a move is unprecedented. Oh, wait - no it's not. Who'd have thunk it?

The second piece of schadenfreude (German for "douche chill") comes from th'Onion - a wonderful little fake news article that is so funny because it rings so true, in everything from the description of the phenomenon to the spokesworm's attempts to deflect the blame to someone, something, heck, anything other than the Beast.

Maybe you should just Get a Mac.

Edward ScissorShitterhands

Yakety Sax is the funniest piece of music evar

Yakety Sax + anything = humor. The proof is here.

A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century

So ... Sarah Palin ... where to begin?

Failin' Palin. Put her next to Joe Biden and see Sarah pale in comparison. Caribou Barbie. Churchy Spice. Her Facebook page (bonus - Bristol asks her to choose between two names for her first grandchild - Twix or Spatula). The Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator. Onion Point/Counterpoint. Sarah Palin vlogs (start here - there's a whole bunch more good stuff at 23/6)

OK, that's enough for now.

Life can often be stranger than fiction - after all, life doesn't have to make sense. After the US Federal prison system banned smoking in prison in 2004, removing snout as a form of currency, inmates have turned to other items for barter, chief among them mackerel.

Yes, mackerel.

Hardly surprising though, really - after all, you can smoke mackerel. Some people also can smoked mackerel.

I'll get me coat.

Ouch!

I have a friend for whom the mark of a good curry is to burn thrice: once on the way in, once when it's in there and once more on the way out. This guy appears to have forgotten the final phase.

Parenting advice on flickr

Jon Stewart, known primarily these days for The Daily Show, also had a memorable turn in the stoner movie Half Baked in which he played the Enhancement Smoker, someone for whom everything becomes more enjoyable when you're ON WEED.

Ten years on, the drug of choice for Enhancement Smokers is now Salvia divinorum, and the Enhancement Smoker du jour is the affable (and very, very high) Erik. Here are his instructional videos on how smoking salvia can affect Driving, Gardening, and Writing a Letter to Congress.

Has the Large Hadron Collider destroyed the world yet? Find out!

Need more cowbell?

Look no further - all your cowbell-augmentation needs can be met right here. Get it while it's hotRIAA hasn't shut it down.

So, what have they been putting in our water to create rainbows from our sprinklers?

Must be the electrolytes.

What the heck is "spacetime fusion"? It's SCIENCE!

(Thanks Serge!)

Business Guys on Business Trips - sorta like We The Robots meets Get Your War On, which is a Good Thing.

(* - Not affiliated with Reprobates® brand humorous blog)

Fake Windows pop-under browser hijack spam FAIL.

This pop-under ad, complete with carefully-crafted "warning pop-up", appeared on my desktop recently - I love how they went to so much trouble to make it look exactly like a Windows error message, but didn't actually bother to check what OS I was browsing on.

But, hey, better safe than sorry, right? After all, Ebola, Marburg, Avian Flu, they've all made the species jump ...

As they say on Fark, "useless without pics", the key word here being 34FF.

When a small crane gets into trouble, you can always bring along a bigger crane to help it out.

So what do you do when a big helicopter gets into trouble? Why, you bring along an even bigger one!

This Flickr photo set is full of AWESOME and WIN. Also, ducks.

Cunt brings the art of anything

(OK, it's machine translation from Finnish to English, but still ...)

FAIL

I'm formatting a big hard drive at the moment so found myself at a bit of a loose end. Seems the guys over at failblog.org are Reprobates at heart - kind of a pictorial litany of failure. I especially liked this particular piece of design:

I Love Country Music

Of course I don't really. File under the "Damn, I wish I had thought of that" category.

Quick like a bunny, now - this - parody or the real thing?

(BTW - it's the real thing)

Kasparov harassed by remote-control helicockter.

Great tits cope well with warming

One day when you're at work and sober, get together with a sober work colleague and go see your boss - may be a good time to ask for a raise.