One thing leads to another.

Death squads? Ha ha! Hostages? Funny stuff, no? Torture! Stop it, you're killing me ...

Netflix seems to think so.

I can't believe someone actually named a model of sports wheelchair "The SpaZz". Joey!

Time traveller makes killing on the stock market, gets caught, reports Weekly World News

A popular middle-eastern dish from Weight Watchers of Iraq? Actually, there are plenty of other unappealing recipes from Weight Watchers circa 1974 on this site.

Whitehouse.org (see link in previous article - PRESIDENT'S STATEMENT etc) and Jason's psychedelicrepublicans.com are actually both productions of the same outfit - Chickenhead Productions. There's all sorts of goodness to be had there!

PRESIDENT'S STATEMENT REMINDING UPPITY IRAQASAURS TO LOSE THE INFERIOR ARABIAC PRIDE, SMILE PRETTY FOR THE CAMERAS, AND OPEN WIDE THE DOORS TO CHRISTIAN JDAMS OF FREEDOM

AskJeeves? Why bother? Jeeves don't know shit. Get on the AnswerBus instead.

Dog Island (WTF?). An island where you can send your dog to be a real dog. Some choice quotes:

• "Every now and then some dogs gang up and kill and then eat another dog, but this is just natural, and it's okay for it to happen now and then"


• "We apologize to not offer this to poor people but it takes an enormous amount of money to afford this type of beauty"

The Director of Imports is someone named Soong Lee. Anyone know if that's a Korean name, and this is just a big front for his other business, "DogBBQ.com"?

Aussie newpaper The Age claims that the U.S. used napalm in Iraq - a banned weapon of mass destruction. The Pentagon denies this, saying that it removed napalm from it's arsenal in 2001. Apparently, it sold it all to these guys. Interestingly, this article from theSchmews (a satire site) claims the U.S. never ratified the law preventing it's use.

One of these three links is to a true news story, the other two are links from previous Reprobates postings. See if you can guess which is which!

1) Kim Jong Il Unfolds Into Giant Robot
2) National Guardsman Changes Name To "Optimus Prime"
3) Voltron's Office of Homeland Security Is In The Heeeeeouse!

Holiday home swap available. Reeeaally available. You have to wonder about the area description though...

Shock and Awe.

Lyndon LaRouche may be mad as a hatter but this makes for, ahh, interesting reading nonetheless.

This just in from all the major news organizations on Operation Iraqi Liberation (uh - doesn't that spell OIL?) - we don't know anything yet. Stay tuned for more information we don't have, more details we're waiting for, and more rehashing of the fact that we don't know anything yet. Don't go awa

Get YOUR war on (again, or still, depending on your viewpoint).

An alternative to becoming a human shield in Iraq, should you want to get "obliterated".

Axis of Weasel: your online guide to the Newspeak for Gulf Wars: Part II.

If Good Eats (host, fan page, book)
were a cartoon, it would be Deep Fried Live.

If this had happened in Cameroon, maybe their Government would be considering a ban by now ...

Strangely, this is not the origin of the expression "taking the piss".

Fall down, go boom - redux.

Incidentally, I haven't seen it yet, but I'm waiting for some hapless US media scribe to refer to this thing as "the world's biggest conventional weapon ever". I probably won't have to wait long as not only is "The US The Greatest Country The World Has Ever Seen" but "Fifty Years Is A Very Long Time". These statements notwithstanding, the WWII "Grand Slam" designed by Barnes Wallis was not only bigger (and, at 22,000lb, therefore much badderer), but it wasn't even American.

Think about this for a second - this bomb was used 58 years ago. It was so big (over 26 feet long, and almost 4 feet in diameter) it had to be strapped under the belly of a specially-modified Lancaster bomber. Dropped from an altitude of 12,000 feet, this thing would attain almost supersonic velocity before it hit the ground and could penetrate up to 15 feet of reinforced concrete before the eleven-second delay fuze detonated the 9,500 lbs of Torpex inside the chrome-moly steel shell ...

No wonder they called these things "earthquake bombs" ...

Dave, thanks for that touching tribute to the late, great Mr Rogers. I thought it was very classy, very understated, nicely done, and I'm sure Mr Rogers will be sorely missed by many millions of American kids who grew up watching his show.

Now, that said, and bearing in mind this is the Reprobates blog, I do have to ask:

Did Mr Rogers creep anyone else out, or was it just me? Wasn't there a lascivious twinkle in his eyes as he undid his cardigan? Did he strike anyone else as looking like a child molester?

OK, so now I've sullied the memory of a dear old man, perhaps you'd care to ponder this: Men who look like Kenny Rogers - dot com.

It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
A beautiful day for a neighbor.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?...

It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood,
A neighborly day for a beauty.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?...

I've always wanted to have a neighbor just like you.
I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.

So, let's make the most of this beautiful day.
Since we're together we might as well say:
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
Won't you be my neighbor?
Won't you please,
Won't you please?
Please won't you be my neighbor?

Fred Rogers, 1928-2003

Think yo kids ain't fly? Give them the headstart they need, brutha.

In case you find the current US administration a bit bland take a look at these new trading cards sure to brighten any dull political convention.

Acid sold separately.

Kansas - where crime doesn't pay quite as well. I wonder if they get a 401K?

Ted Molczan - "thorn in the NRO's side", and "satisfied electrolysis consumer". I have in my mind's eye an image of a hairless satellite-watcher that just won't go away ...

I have no idea what I just said.

I lost count of the number times I said "Wow" out loud while reading this article about elves, sprites & blue jets, infrasound (and more here), and the Space Shuttle that, in the reversal of the normal sequence of events, apparently did a "go boom, fall down". I also went "wow" several more times while reading this article about ACE, and SOHO, and the ill-fated Space Shuttle, and an apparent large shockwave in the solar wind, and the fact that these satellites orbit ... nothing at all. Well, actually, they orbit Lagrange or libration points, but thems ain't physical objects. See? Wow. And former Shuttle astronaut Tammy Jernigan (who apparently transported the now-famous photo purporting to show a purple corkscrew lightning-bolt thing to NASA in Houston) even got in on the act with a "Wow" of her own in this article that may or may not ultimately debunk the phenonemon that may, or may not, have been photographed as Columbia passed over San Francisco.

I'm in Tokyo. It's an interesting place. I've been pondering the nature of souvenirs. I came to the conclusion that the really interesting souvenirs are not the things that are typically (perhaps stereotypically) Japanese, such as rice paper wood block prints (ukiyo-e) or Hakata dolls, since, because of their fundamentally iconic association with Japan, every time some random gallery or antique shop wants to represent "Japaneseness", these are the very things they'll offer you. Consequently, bring home one of these (admittedly, although conventionally, attractive) items and your home will resemble nothing so much as the local Pier 1 Imports.

So, what to bring home as a reminder of your time in far-away places? Toiletries. Candy. Matchbooks. Flyers. Brochures. In other words, the ephemera of daily living. Why? I think that the answer lies in there very ordinariness - these items are too inconsequential, pointless, or just plain goofy for any trend-following importer of Japaniana to bother with.

Having said this, of course, some kind soul will surely send me the URL to these very items on J-List, which I will promptly ignore, fuck you very much.

Finally, since I'm here for work, I have now visited a couple of IBM offices in Tokyo and was very surprised when my chaperon handed me a small packet of tissues before I went to the bathroom. Apparently, IBM (and most other large companies) have stopped providing paper towels to their employees as a cost-saving measure (yes, I know - IBM haven't quite stooped to this level yet, but you get the idea).

Help! I've been infected by <insert worm name here>

Stoopid things people do to their PCs. My favourite? The guy who has not one, but two Visa cards stuck in his floppy drive.

In response to Cameron, an iPod hack for those Microsoft lovers out there.

...since I appear to be on a bit of posting rampage these past couple of days, here's one for Ian. Should you ever want your iPod to do more than just play music, here's a guy who has ported it to Linux. It doesn't actually DO anything, mind you, but it's still "supremely cool".

The NEW IBM. Bottom right...

Harking back to Jason's post of a couple of days ago, here is a more light-hearted look at Dubya's REAL agenda... I should be careful, though, lest you guys never let me in your country again.

Ever wondered if that sexual position was actually possible? Well now's your chance to find out without risking your neck...

This is NOT repeat NOT from abovetopsecret.com.

In a project known as “Acoustic Kitty” the [CIA's] Directorate of Science and Technology sought to train a surgically altered cat, wired with transmitting and control devices, to become a mobile, eavesdropping platform. In its first test, the cat was run over by a taxi.

According to Victor Marchetti:

they slit the cat open, put batteries in him, wired him up. The tail was used as an antenna. 

They made a monstrosity. They tested him and tested him. They found he would walk off 

the job when he got hungry, so they put another wire in to override that. Finally, they’re ready. 

They took it out to a park bench and said “Listen to those two guys. Don’t listen to anything 

else – not the birds, no cat or dog – just those two guys!” ... They put him out of the van, 

and a taxi comes and runs him over. There they were, sitting in the van with all those dials, 

and the cat was dead!

This heavily redacted memo appears to express the view that cats can be altered and trained to perform certain tasks. At the same time, it notes that “the environment and security factors in using this technique in a real foreign situation force us to conclude that, for our [intelligence] purposes, it would not be practical.”

Now you too can have the enlightening wisdom of George W Bush at you fingertips every day of the year.

I am fascinated by the idea of going "off-the-grid" and powering things with alternative fuels. I am most interested in "clean" and renewable fuels for automobiles. I'd love to buy the CNG (compressed natural gas) version of the Honda Civic, but those losers over at Honda America are only making it available to companies interested in purchasing fleet vehicles. Anyone interested in forming a company?

In the meantime, the Prius will have to do, even though it is really as low-end as it gets in regards to alternative fuel technology. Sure, its the only thing truly available to consumers, but if I was a little more adventurous, I'd buy a diesel VW and power it with homemade biofuels. Yes, I know that sounds mildly disgusting. It reminds me of the scene in Red Dawn when the kids are all urinating into the radiator of the pick-up truck to make up for a coolant leak. But, I am talking about driving down the road and leaving nothing but the sweet scent of french fries in the air.

This just in...the fantasy of many young men has come true!

Got a spare Saab? Sauna!

Just in case you ever need to obfuscate a swear-word insult (why, I'm not sure), but somebody called me this the other day, and I'm not sure what it was. Now I do, and I can in turn, insult all of you asshats.

Kim Jong Il Unfolds Into Giant Robot

Firefighters free handcuffed woman in lingerie shop

abovetopsecret.com is an interesting repository of all kinds of documents, all supposedly "above top secret". Some of them are plain kooky (like this stuff about the Omega Agency or the aliens in Dulce, NM), but others seemingly offer tantalizing glimpses of the technology behind the Government's impishly named "Unacknowledged Programs".

Here, for example, is a news article from a highly respected source: the BBC. And here is an article from ats.c that might be about the same technology.

Bob Hope's nose.

This is not an optical illusion - it just looks like one. Didn't work for me, though. I took a good, long, hard look at the picture and never did see the alleged "boat". I did see somewhere to park a bicycle though ...

I am a big fan of Get Your War On. You've got to love things like this:

Periodic table of haikus. Incidentally, this link and the previous one came from the message forum of British Squad, who are apparently play something called Trench Wars, which in turn is part of Subspace/Continuum which is a product of the Free Software movement which is ... oh, never mind.

Longtime Reprobates readers are surely aware of our collective fascination with heavy machinery. Even better than heavy machinery, though, is pictures of heavy machinery accidents.

Looking for an adventure holiday that is truly unique. Why not visit all the entrances to Hell in the UK?

Check out my new personal favo(u)rite site (or shordurperfav, in the original Tibetan): The Stranger.

I have been waiting for at least a year now, but it looks like e-sheep is never going to finish the Apocamon. So, if you too have been patiently waiting the next installment, you might want to entertain yourself by creating your very own holy terror. You can take it even further and live out your own version of the End Times. Just get yourself a PS2, a copy of Unreal Tournament 2003, and the Bible Blood Bath Christian Map Pack. All of this is thanks to those righteous folks over at Landover Baptist Church.

Evil has a name. It's Guthy-Renker. And a website. And a fabulous line of celebrity-endorsed cosmetic products! And an exclusive line of hi-larious set of Dean Martin celebrity roast videos!

Actually, I've been mulling over the name Guthy-Renker since it first seared itself onto my eyeballs when I was browsing late-night (or is that late-nite?) TV listings. There, in the wee small hours of the morning on Discovery or TLC or one of those channels, was those famous paired names. The first thing that struck me was, and I quote verbatim from memory: whatthefuck? There was no program description, just that mysterious pair of bisyllabic names. The second thing I thought was: G-uh-thy? G-oo-thy? G-uh-dhy? G-oo-dhy? How do you pronounce it? Does it rhyme with "toothy", or with the way a chronic lisp-sufferer would pronounce "fussy"? Does it even maybe rhyme with booth-y (as in "Man, it stinks of stale urine in here - like a public phone booth. Yeah, that's it. Kinda boothy") with a hard "th".

So, as if that weren't enough, I was at the in-laws over the Xmas break, and laughing myself silly (well, I was chuckling on the inside, anyway), poring over the videos stashed under their living room TV. You know the stuff - exactly what you'd expect unhip 60-something Americans to have - a tape from the Mickey Gilley Theater in Branson, Missouri, some random Alan Jackson video (or maybe it was some other hat act - I don't recall), and - gasp - "Bob Hope Entertains Eleven Presidents!" (yes, it was a bukkake video) Anyway, I'm looking at the back of the BHEEP tape and then I see it ... Guthy-Renker!

So - they are polluting the late-night air waves with their cult transmissions, they're putting white, sticky cream on the faces of America's women of a certain age (see, it is bukkake), and they are washing whatever remains of my in-laws brains with their video pap.

Maybe it's time for Bush to put up or shut up regarding his doctrine of pre-emption and strike at GRC before they acquire weapons of mass destruction. Oh, wait, too late.

Congratulations, Shaun & Sarah, and welcome, Aidan. A word of advice: your mother spent several hours pushing you out of the thing you're going to spend the rest of your life trying to get back into. Also, you're probably not going to get nipples thrust into your open mouth quite this regularly again, so make the most of it. Finally, for the next year or two, your public manipulation of yer meat-n-two-veg will be looked upon as "cute" and "funny". Don't be misled, kid. Soon enough, society will turn on you and the words "indecent exposure" will take on a certain significance ...

Shaun: I looked at the pictures - cute kid. Only question - who's the ugly-looking motherfucker with the beard and the ponytail who's hanging round your kid? I wouldn't let him near my kids ...

Finally, the ObLink: Black People Love Us! And it's easy to see why.

Guys, I had a little fiddle around with the template for the blog and added some buttons. What d'ya reckon? Let me know

All, please say Hi to a brand new reprobate - Aidan Phillip Lowry, who joined us at 5:35am on the 28th of December. Oh, and Happy New Year!

Internet keepy-uppy, with bizarre pseudo-japanese commentary.

"Pearls Before Swine" is a great comic strip, one of my faves. It appears every day in the Washington Post. All the more surprising, then, that they were able to publish this strip apparently without a garnering any protest from, oh, I dunno, these folks ...

This book appears, at least from the cover art, to be from the creators of goatse.cx. Warning: Don't look at goatse.cx at work. In fact, don't look at it at all.

Who says Open Source doesn't produce quality software?

Look what Google thinks of us. Highlights include:

• astounding date


• a grievous and vexing spectacle


• none other than strollette linda raine


• the blue cow


• indispensable to the existence of the elect


• really unchristian

Interestingly, The Blue Cow appears to be a bar in Singapore and is a suitably oblique reference, so I humbly submit the following as a candidate for the Reprobates logo:

Oh, what a tangled web we weave
When first we practice to deceive

Doh! Now I get it - there's no point in signing up for my rapture letter until I've got my ticket!

If you're Googling for information on clusters (such as you might find here), then don't do as I did and let your right index finger slip from the "U" key over to the "Y" key and then click the first link that comes up ... because it may look a little like a medical information page at first ... but it isn't ...

Of course, given the topics under consideration here, the name of this book's author is ... strangely appopriate ...

Ever twiddled the dial on a short-wave radio? Sure you have. We all know Karlheinz Stockhausen has. But what it is to be made of "the toneless recitation of random strings of numbers" sometimes heard on the shortwave bands, as the much-imitated (and, as noted in reprobates entries passim, often-bettered) Onion referred to it in this article that followed the 2000 Florida election debacle? I remember hearing these stations as a lad, and have occasionally since pondered their meaning, but British newspapers aren't even allowed to cover this topic any more, not that they ever did before, really.

However, Radio Netherlands has a great article about it, and Akin Fernandez's Irdial-Discs has even, if you have $250 to spare and really want to hear this stuff first-hand (or a simulacrum thereof), issued a 4-CD set called "The Conet Project" that also contains an 80-page booklet.

Of course, if you'd rather hear it live (and save yourself $250 and the shelf space occupied by 4 CDs and the accompanying booklet), you could always tune in and hear one of the more durable examples - the Lincolnshire Poacher, presented here courtesy of one Simon Mason. More stuff here.

GW learns his lesson - last year vs. this year.

It would appear The Onion are re-hashing old articles, but at least Mad Magazine are satirising them now. But wait, didn't The Satyr already do that?

The question I have upon reading this is: OK, just what kinds of web sites was this guy browsing?

Uhh ... GHB? GBH? He said, she said.

Ellen Feiss redux, but funnier...

Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. This is sooooo wrong, but also very funny.

It's a pity there wasn't a site like this for X-Day, otherwise all you losers would be getting insulting email every Friday without me doing a goddamn thing...

A comment on the last site Shaun linked to - I don't think "citrus" really adequately describes the taste sensation you should expect when "eating at the Y". More like "scampi", perhaps ...

This is the funniest thing I've seen MAD magazine publish in a loooong time.

If you've ever thought "Kikkoman" would be a good name for a superhero, apparently you're not the only one.

No-one can say this is in bad taste. Apple, anyone?

The Post says this is Abd Al-Rahim al-Nashiri. I say it's our very own Dave Sandrowitz.

This is brilliant.

This classic slip-of-the-tongue would have been more understandable had the news guy been talking about, say, Jamie Lee Curtis and not J-Lo, but still ... I wonder if he still works for Fox News?

Thanks, Dave. The research was exhausting^H^Hve :-) Anyway, back to the one liners: Gamez for Grrrlz

Usually I would not post unless I had some news to share and a link or two to include. But, I think this is warranted.

Shaun, your post is absolute genius. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your analysis and I agree with your conclusions. Thank you for blessing us with such wonderful work.

Fascinating, absolutely fascinating. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present for your edification a photographic essay on the changing sexual preferences of the white, north-american male - every Playboy playmate of the month from December 1953 through July 2002. A visual document of the changing shape of popular womanhood over the last 50 years, this collection shows that many themes are constants - symmetry of features, good dentristry etc. - but that a remarkable variation of key features has occured over the years. I don't propose to be truly objective about this subject, but if Eric S. Raymond can wax lyrical about what makes good porn (Reprobates passim), I think I can spare a few lines to comment on my perceptions here.

Va-va-voom

The playmates of the 50's and early 60's had a certain something that seems to be missing from the latter-day women - curves. Compare, for example, miss December 1954 with miss June 1993, or miss July 1963 with miss January 1992. The earlier examples make more of a virtue of the gifts most naturally bestowed upon women, whereas our more recent tastes appear to lean more towards the lean. As we move through the years, we seem to more favour women who actively lessen some of the features of womanhood. There is a clear transition from the curvaceous to the athletic, from the oft-sculpted to the self-sculptured. Waists, hips and thighs have certainly come in for a bit of a bashing. Miss September 1956 shows an ample amount of flesh, but she is far from obese or even overweight. She is, however, a lifetime in the gym and under the knife away from miss September 2000. Waists, as such, appear to decline through the 60's (miss June 1967) and disappear in the 70's (miss September 1975) to be replaced by solid walls of gym-toned muscle (miss January 1997). Only extreme corsetry appears to hint at a waist (miss August 1996). Hips have moved from child-bearing (miss June 1956) to child-like (miss October 1995).

A bit of a boob

In terms of breast size, there is a huge variation within any given year (cf miss May 1956 vs miss November 1956, miss February 1996 vs miss March 1996), but overall the trend is towards the petite. For example compare miss December 1959 and miss April 2002 at the smaller end, miss February 1959 and miss May 2002 in the middle and miss October 1959 with miss March 2002 at the high-end of high-beams. The shape of breasts has also changed, from the pointed torpedoes and A-bombs of the 50's and early 60's (miss October 1957, miss March 1963) along with more matronly examples around the same time (miss October 1956, miss October 1964) through to the manufactured spheroids of today (miss October 2000, miss November 2000).

In between times there have been marked shifts, the mid-60's showing a tendency towards the small with only one or two truly buxom wenches a year, and these tended to be extreme (miss February 1966, miss March 1967, miss March 1968, miss December 1968, miss March 1969) as if only to throw the smaller breasts into sharp relief. Interestingly these show up mainly in the Spring. The 60's also brought us our first afro-carribean playmate, introducing another dimension (miss October 1969).

The first breast implants were made available in 1962, and by the 1970's were in full swing (miss November 1970, miss October 1972) although some larger, seemingly natural specimens were displayed if only for their curiosity value, the models having not much else of merit (miss May 1974, miss November 1975). Mostly the fashions of the 60's followed through, however.

The 1980's kicked off with some better examples of augmentation (miss January 1980) which continued to "improve" across the decade - indeed the 1980's were indeed a time of marked contrast, between the natural norm (miss July 1983, miss September 1986) and manufactured monsters (miss February 1984, miss November 1984).

The 1990's kicked off with another advert for the plastics industry (miss January 1990), but mainly continued the trends of the 1980's (miss September 1993 vs miss May 1992), perhaps widening the gap between the extremes (miss July 1997 vs miss November 1993). It's really to early to comment on the new millenium, but things don't look much like changing (miss January 2002 vs miss October 2000). In fact it's difficult to draw the line between woman and doll in some cases, some models look positively manufactured (miss April 2001, miss August 2001, miss May 2002).

A bit of fluff

Hairstyles have gone through some changes over the years, too. Pubic hair wasn't shown until 1972 (miss October 1972) so it's difficult to comment before then, but it seems to have been alive and well (miss August 1976, miss September 1983) right up until the early 90's when it started somewhat of a decline (miss September 1990) untill we reach the ridiculous Hitler moustaches of today (miss October 1999). Much of this may be down to the size of swimwear changing, but we were distracted from pubic region by outrageous hair in other regions during the late 80's (miss June 1986) and early 90's (miss August 1991).

Apparent age

Whilst there have been nods to youthfulness throughout (miss January 1963, miss January 1964), the maturity of 'look' the models have had has in general moved from womanly (miss January 1956, miss June 1959) through girlish (miss May 1972, miss February 1981), to a look I'll describe only as 'barely legal' (miss August 1994, miss April 2002, miss July 2002). This, of all the trends, is most disturbing.

Catching some rays

As mentioned before, swimwear has been getting considerably smaller since the 50's and although it's effects are sometimes still visible (miss January 1997), the norm nowadays is for an even tan. Not so in the 50's (miss January 1958), in fact tans were few and far between, but as we can see swimwear is shrinking by the mid-60's (miss November 1964, miss March 1966), has a bit of a resurgence in the 70's (miss August 1970) until it's practically nonexistent by the 80's (miss September 1982).

Conclusions

For my money, playmates have evolved into highly commoditised 'product' by the slow eradication of what fashion has declared imperfection. Far from producing perfection, however, what we have is a bland indisginguishable mass - the whole has been sacrificed for a combination of features. I'd much rather sleep with the women of the 50's and 60's, but my modern eye has been trained by advertising (and perhaps my hypothalamus) to only see flaws when these women are presented for my auto-erotic entertainment. When true sexual fantasy kicks in, however, the barbie-dolls of today pale in comparison to real women. Long live miss Marks'n'Sparks - long live woman!

It's good to know that the Ewoks are almost certainly extinct. Now all we have to do is work on Jar Jar Binks. Or maybe not.

Gotta love those corporate anthems

Indeed you can, Ken, indeed you can.

You can find anything on the Internet. Some days, I'm not so sure that's a good thing.

Man steals hotel coathangers, runs rings around barrister. Gideon Society turns other cheek.

Nice to see someone has spent their spare time productively - coming up with a new Internet error page.

Deep fried turkey is awesome. Turkey deep friers are quite a versitile invention. Of course, they can be used a tools to burn down your house... or your neighbor's house too.

Time's so short for the modern-day executive - there just aren't enough hours in the day, but to get on you need to apear to be well-read. How are you supposed to find the time to read all that dull classic literature? Well, now you don't have to! Now they've distilled all you need to know about the classics in handy PowerPoint slide format!

Holiday plans for Bali up in smoke? Why not try the Tau Ceti Ruckus, with FREE certain death at the hands of giant intelligent spider monkeys on your return.

...and, as I said to Ian and Ken this morning, prior to the start of our assimilation training, I have noted the return of famed musicologist, Super Greg!

Burger King? Disturbing, but disturbing...

Help get prostitutes off the streets, buy some cherry products.

Jeez, that's gotta hurt when they pull it off...

Ever heard of the conspiracy that man never landed on the moon, that it was all a carefully crafted American hoax? Well, here's the other side of that story...

Want to do your bit for world peace? You probably already are...

Ah, a wonderful pictorial on the exclusive real-estate market in lovely Surrey, BC.